Here Comes Goodbye

Here Comes Goodbye - Chapter Two

Here Comes Goodbye

Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved

WARNING : UNEDITED. PARDON THE ERRORS FOR NOW.

Chapter Two

The Funeral

As I looked upon the dark, gray sky, all I ever thought about at that moment was my life from here on.

             A life without Holden.

          How did it came to this, me saying goodbye? How could something so beautiful could end like this?

           No matter how hard I try looking for answers, those words would just float in the wind, waiting to be forgotten.

         It's hard enough watching his casket, ready to be lowered down to his final resting place. All the memories I had with him that were once vibrant colored pictures, had turned into pure, meaningless shades of grey. I could have hold on to them, I could have, but something like this would never be easy. If you let go, hold on, or say goodbye, there would be no less or greater pain. It's all the same, no matter how you wanted to go about it.

         I felt a gentle squeeze on my shoulder, bringing me out of my tortured thoughts. I looked up, and it was Holden's mother, giving me a sad smile. Seeing her crystal blue eyes reminded so much about her son. With that, I abruptly looked away. It was too much.

          "How are you holding up sweetie?" she asked softly.

         I wanted to snort about her question. As you can see, I'm at my boyfriend of three years funeral, who took his life for some unknown, selfish reason. Do you think I'm okay?

        However, I didn't want to be rude, so I forced myself to look up, and gave her a small smile. She lost her son, and who am I to act so brash considering the situation.

        "So far, so good," I told her.

        She frowned. "It's okay, honey. You don't have to lie to me."

        I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to make me open up, and confess that I was indeed not okay. I was trying my best to hide my emotions for the last few days. My parents, siblings, even her, they were trying to mourn with me by opening up and face the torrential rain of emotions of losing Holden. To make it easier... as they said. They all but failed, and here she was trying again.

        I shook my head. "I'm fine really."

       "Trinity, I've known you for so long," she said. "I know you, so you don't have to pretend."

       Now she was irritating me. "I'm fine, really Mrs. Rhys," I said through clenched teeth.

      "Sweetie, I know--" I didn't let her finish what she said. I was tired of hearing people saying the same old lines, the sorry's, the what could have been. I get it, okay? I totally get it, but I am so tired, and I had enough.

        "I said I'm fine damn it!" I snapped at her. "Can you get it through your thick head that I'm okay?!"

        A flash of hurt, mixed with shock encompassed Mrs. Rhys face. I have never in the past lose my temper on anyone, no matter how mad I am. I didn't mean to yell at her like that. "Oh, god. I am so sorry Mrs. Rhys, " I apologized. "It's just... I just..." Great, now I'm fumbling with my words.

      As quick as it came, the hurtful expression was wiped out from her face, and was replaced with a forced smile. "It's okay," she said. "I understand."