Drowning

Part 5

His jaw had gone slack, his whole body was frozen - rooted in place - and his eyes stared at the apparition; wide and unblinking. His mind was working overtime, yet it too had somehow slowed to a crawl - struggling to process what it saw while at the same time running over with jumbled and confused thoughts as denials and emotions sparked between neurons like electricity jumping from a plug to a socket.

It's not real......it can't be real......he's dead, you killed him......

"Hello!" The voice was distressingly familiar, but it wasn't possible - unless it was coming from inside his own mind.

Wait......yeah, that has to be it......cause there's no way this is real......

"I've officially flipped" Richard muttered to himself, not caring if his disbelieving voice was heard by the image of Jeremy conjured up by his mind - probably done so to torture him with his own guilt.

A warm chuckle tugged at something deep within his heart, and his eyes began to sting annoyingly at the sound - he wanted so desperately to believe it was real, and not just coming from inside his head. But the reality continued to shroud his mind in a cloud darker than it had ever seen, and he could see no escape.

"To be fair, mate" the Jeremy-apparition teased with a shrug, smiling a sad smile as the smaller man in front of him flinched at the sound of his voice. "I don't think you were completely sane to start with."

Yep....definitely flipped.....

The realisation didn't quite bring the comfort he thought it would, but it still felt bittersweet to have some sort of explanation for the sudden appearance of his d-.....of his friend in his living room.

Conceding its point with a shrug, he padded across the carpet and sat down on the other end of the couch with a heavy sigh.

"So it's official then" he whispered, shoulders slumping as he lifted his knees up to his chest and let his chin rest on the flannel-covered joints. "You always said I'd go mad one day, and I guess that day has finally come."

The thing impersonating Jeremy beamed, looking very smug. 

Even ghost-Jeremy has a stupid smug face, he grumbled in his head.

"Don't get me wrong, Hammo" the thing began, smile turning wistful as if lost in some memory or other. "Not that I'd wish madness on anyone, but you always did seem the likeliest of the three of us to go insane first. I'm just glad you're finally admitting it."

"Says you" Richard retorted childishly, even smiling a little himself - the banter with the-Jeremy-in-his-head as easy as it had always been. "I always thought James would've gone first."

"He was born mad, though - so he doesn't count" Jeremy's ghost replied, and they shared a chuckle before falling quiet.

They sat in silence for a few minutes - listening to the rain pattering steadily on the roof, hearing TG and Captain barking happily as they played together somewhere out in the yard. The sound of horses neighing from their stalls - no doubt calling out for their dinner - and the cheery birdsong were the only other things that could be heard aside from the buzzing inside Richard's mind. Taking a deep breath, he readied himself to ask the inevitable question.

"Why're you here?" His voice was quiet, muffled against his knees and he felt his throat constrict as he spoke.

Some minor rustling of fabric replied as the thing turned to face him, gazing down at his hunched form with something akin to worry.

"I mean," Richard went on, voice getting gradually thicker even as he raised his head, "It's been God knows how long since- since you-" he swallowed hard, "since....it happened, why are you suddenly showing up now?"