Death tastes beautiful on your lips. It dances on your tongue and finally escapes between your teeth. It whispers to you when it leaves.
You smile. It's an emotionless smile. The word death had more feeling than your smile. But that's how your life is now, no need to feel self-pity.
You are depressed you know that. No one else really does because you're a good actor. You kind of wish someone found out but if they did, you'd deny it. That's depression, my dear friend. You want attention but feel like a burden when you do.
And that's only the depression. When you add your other mental illnesses to the equation, you realise your life is a fucking mess. No wonder you want to die.
But killing yourself would hurt people around you and your anxiety just doesn't let you do that. And you're afraid. Not of dying obviously, but failing to do so. You're such a failure anyway, wouldn't be a surprise if you weren't even able to kill yourself.
And what about the eating disorder then? Let's not even start with that, it's too much now. You just want to throw up every time you eat. And you want to go weeks without eating because the fat is too much. You can feel it surrounding your body even if you are completely still. Your favourite moments are the ones when you can feel your bones, usually through pain: when you are doing sit-ups on your floor and your bones press satisfyingly against the hard material. Or when you accidentally hit your hip bone against a chair and you experience deep, white pain. Right to the bone.
Satisfying.
YOU ARE READING
Things that come to your head after midnight
Randomfucking triggering life is full of descriptions. they are all click baits. maybe they were not meant to be that way but it doesn't change the fact. we all experience thing differently and no matter what, the descriptions will always be false. no one...
