the boy who could speak to the wind {tomtord}

four

by the time i reach ell's house, the stars are shining in the sky. it's a bit of a sketchy neighborhood so it wouldn't be the best idea to turn back home. besides, i already agreed with coming here. should i have brought flowers or something? wait. she probably thinks this is a date- fuck.

reluctantly, i rap my knuckles on the peeling front door. i hear some faint arguing inside; probably edd and their dad. soon enough, ell opens the door. i think she's trying to get me to notice her because she's wearing a low-cut army print t-shirt with black leggings. she has earrings on and i think even some lipstick, which is weird, because i don't think i've ever seen her with makeup. but hey, she looks pretty hot.

"hey." i smile.

"hi," she takes my hand and leads me inside. i hesitantly allow her to and look around. it's been a while since i've been in here. "edd is letting me use his laptop for the movie."

"letting you?" i raise an eyebrow. i'm jealous that they even have a laptop. well, pat has one, but it's for school and he only lets my mom use it sometimes.

"welllll.." she giggles and shrugs while taking me to her room. "y'know. he won't notice."

"nice." i say and look around her room as we enter. it's not as organized as i thought it would be, but it's definitely neater than my room. books are lined up on a shelf and her desk is covered with papers. some are crumpled up and on the floor. i remember that she likes to write.

"c'mon." she hums and lays back into her bed, pulling the laptop onto her legs.

"okay." i lay down next to her and lean into the pillows. it's softer than my bed.

she chooses some chick flick movie off of an illegal russian website and glances at me. "is this okay?"

"yeah." i murmur, eyes glued to the screen. five minutes in, i'm already zoning out.

how can tom 'talk' to the wind? he's so convinced he can. is he schizophrenic or something? i don't know, but he doesn't seem like it. then again, what do i know? i have so many questions but i don't want to offend him. around him, i feel like i can be myself. i've gotta be this tough guy around my other friends but with tom, he doesn't care. it's relieving.

i'm snapped out of my thoughts at the feeling of ell's hand brushing against my thigh. okay, wow, that definitely was on purpose. i glance at her and she catches my eye. i give her a sheepish smile. she smiles back. i look at the laptop screen again, growing uncomfortable as she does it again. usually, i'd totally be down for a good fuck. right now, though, i'm just not into it. it's just because she's not my type, i remind myself.

"tord." ell whispers.

i swallow hard and look over at her, mischief sparkling in her eyes. my mouth feels dry. i know what she wants but i don't know what to say. right now would be a great time to receive a call from pat so he can scream at me to get back home.

"yeah?" i whisper back.

she giggles and pushes the computer off her lap. "is it obvious i'm into you?" her face brightens pink.

"oh, um- a little bit.." i force a chuckle. crap, i feel so awkward. why do i feel so awkward? i feel like throwing up. i think of tom- no, i think of my friends and how they would be calling me a pussy or a fag for chickening out of fucking edd's sister. if i told her i didn't want this, she'd tell edd, and he'd tell the gang, and they'd all make fun of me forever. damnit.

ell's fingertips lightly travel up my inner thigh and she leans closer to me. "are you into me?" her breath is warm against my ear.

my heart sinks and i don't know what to say. i can't lie but i can't hurt her, either. edd would kill me. instead of saying anything, i do something possibly even worse; i turn and press my lips against hers. she's instantly kissing me back and wrapping her arms around my torso.

i convince myself it'll be fine and i let us continue.

~timeskip~

when i wake up, i'm surprised to see the moonlight shining through the half-drawn curtains. confused, i look around and realize i'm still in ell's room. she's curled up beside me wearing nothing but a bra. i flinch internally and sit up, climbing off the bed. she doesn't wake up and continues her peaceful slumber. i scramble to pull my clothes back on and grab my phone as well, checking the time. it's almost 2 in the morning. i have three missed calls from mom and a few texts from pat. i'm hit with a pang of guilt; god, why do they worry about me? i glance at ell's sleeping figure, slip on my shoes, and leave her room.

i exit the house into the freezing cold and start walking towards our apartment. i dial mom's number but she doesn't pick up. i dial pat's instead.

"tord..?" his groggy voice picks up.

"hey, did i wake you up? sorry." i bite my lip.

he only sighs. "where are you? mom was worried."

"i was-" i stop to consider my words. "i was at edd's house playing video games and i fell asleep on the floor."

"jesus, tord," pat mumbles. his voice is heavy with exhaustion. "are you still there?"

"no, i'm walking home."

"what? that's dangerous, it's two in the-"

"i'm okay. i'm almost home, anyway. ten minutes."

"...fine. be careful. love you." he responds disappointedly.

"yeah." i murmur and hang up quickly.

just as i promised, i reach the apartment a few minutes later and knock on the door before realizing it's unlocked. i walk in and lock it behind me. i find my way through the dark to me and pat's shared room. when i walk in, i flick the light on and see him asleep on his own bed, blankets pulled over his head. i change into a t-shirt with pajama pants and turn the light off again to lay down on my bed.

what a day.