The Brighter the Light, the Deeper the Shadow

CH 4

"Playing an instrument like the guitar is like making love, you don't need to put in a lot of effort as long as your fingers are in the right places, you have good wrists and can keep a rhythm" Thomas was explaining as he adjusted Chandler's hand on his guitar.

"Can you ever just say anything in a normal way?" Chandler sighed. "Mate you knew how I was when you met me and you still wanted to be my friend, so it's on you" Tom replied with a grin. The three of us sat in the apartment that Louis got for us, he wasn't with us though, he went home after we came back from dinner.

"Thank you for doing this for me Chandler" Jordan said as he sat on the chair in front of them on my laptop. Chandler shrugged "Knowing how to play an instrument will be good for my career, plus you asked and I can never say no to you." "Oh yuck" Thomas said as he made a face "I'm too sober for this" he said as he got up and grab a beer from the fridge, he gave Chandler an eyebrow raise while holding a bottle and when Chandler nodded, he brought one for him as well.

"I was thinking we could go shopping tomorrow, according to the website Doncaster has this huge mall called Frenchgate" Jordan said. "Shopping? Why do you need something?" Chandler asked. "No but I'm just curious what British shops look like and what they have" Jordan answered with a shrug. "Everything is bloody expensive here mate, I've known people who have come back from America with, like, three more bags of shite than they left with cause everything is so cheap" Tom said "But why not."

"Alright my fingers are starting to hurt" Chandler whined, putting down the guitar, looking at his fingertips "I think I'm done for the night." "You're not a real guitarist or bassist unless your fingers start bleeding, keeping playing!" Thomas ordered. Chandler stared at him and after a moment Thomas put away the guitar, grumbling under his breath. "I'm going to bed, I don't want to get jet lag so I'm not going to stay up too late" Chandler announced.

"Go to bed? You what mate? Nah we gotta go out to party, like some good ol' Donny lads" Tom complained. Chandler scoffed "You go and tell me how it is." "Jordan come with me yeah? I don't want to go alone. I don't want to be that guy who goes to a pub by himself" Tom said to me. "You guys have fun, babe if you need anything I'll keep my phone close by...Tom unless you're being attacked by a bear or something you better not call me, and lucky for you there are no wild bears in Britain" Chandler said before going down the hall to his bedroom. "Chan gets crabby when he gets woken up" Jordan explained to Tom before saying "And do you seriously want to go out?" "C'mon it'll be fun" Thomas said. "I'm not much of a partier, plus I'm exhausted" Jordan admitted. Thomas just nodded "Alright that's fine."

-

A few hours later Jordan was still awake, the rain just barely too noisy for him to fall asleep. With a groan he got up to get a glass of water but when he got into the hallway to go into the living room he paused. Thomas sitting on his bed in the moonlight, as some of the small windows didn't have any curtains or blinds but no lights were on. He was staring at nothing, a bottle of beer in his hands with a small collection of bottles by the foot of his bed, he must have gone out to get some more. He was shirtless, but wearing sweatpants and socks, sitting cross legged on the bed.

Jordan stood there, unsure of what to do for a moment until he said "Couldn't sleep?" as he walked into the living room since the kitchen was through it. Tom turned to look to at him, trying to smile but instead looking like he ate something sour "Go to bed Jordan it's half past two in the morning, the only people awake right now are drunks and lonely or depressed people" "Which one are you?" Jordan joked, going to sit on the edge of his bed.

Tom looked at the bottle of beer in his hand "All three. During the day there are so many distractions...but at night...I'm jealous of you and Chandler, not because you're dating but because you've found someone to spend your time with, because you're not alone" he said quietly. He looked out the window "Do you know why I became an actor?"

"Because of an overwhelming love of theater, art and expression?" Jordan asked, hoping to get a cheerful or playful response from him but instead Thomas said "It's because I wanted friends, I wanted to be someone that other people wanted to hang out with, even if only because I was famous and had money or whatever. Fake friends are better than having none at all."

"We're your friends, Tom" Jordan said, placing a hand on his warm, soft shoulder. "Are you though? Louis reached out to me because he needed a bassit, because he saw me in a Youtube video playing and he ran out of options, the same as why he asked you to be his guitarist. You and Chandler are only being nice to me because we need to tolerate each other for the band, before all this happened Chandler and I never really spoke."

"That's not true, I think of you as a friend; plus I know Chandler likes you or else he would find any excuse to not be near you, like he does with Louis" Jordan said truthfully "And I know how you feel, I lost all of my friends when my mom died, they called me a 'mope' and 'depressing' so I get what it's like to be lonely."

"It's different through, Chandler looks at you like you built everything that is beautiful just for him, he'd jump in front of a train for you. I don't even know why I get up in the mornings just for another day of pain and loneliness..." Thomas said. "Tom you're not alone. You have Chandler and I -" Jordan started to say and was cut off. "For how long? Until the tour is over? Maybe three months after that, until Chandler gets busy with his next project and you go to uni or whatever it is you have planned? It's happened before and it'll happen again."

Jordan moved over and rubbed his back "Tom, these thoughts are just thoughts, tomorrow is another day." "Well when you do leave, at least I can say I've had fun with you, I've only known you for like four or five days and you're a lot of fun" Tom said with a half smile. Jordan made a face "Are you hitting on me cause I have a boyfriend." Jordan smiled as he got the reaction he wanted, a chuckle, if a weak one. "You're so fresh, so cheeky" Tom said "Alright enough of this sorry sod bullshit, I'm going to bed. Thanks Jordan" he said as he laid down.

-

Jordan woke up to the smell of food and crawled out of bed, wondering if Chandler was cooking, and if he was, where the fire extinguisher was in this home. Insteads he found Thomas unpacking several take out bags, with a yellow motorcycle with a black lighting bolt on the side. When Thomas saw Jordan looking curiously at him he smiled "I had my manager bring up my bike from London, I got us all breakfast."

Jordan walked out of his bedroom and asked quietly "Are you feeling better?" Thomas sighed "Listen, mate, let's just forget that happened alright? I'm sorry you sad to see me like that but...yeah let's just forget about it" he said, rummaging through the take out bags, not looking at Jordan. Before Jordan could respond Thomas said "Bloody pillocks forgot me orange juice. Be right back, you can start eating if you want. Chandler too" as he walked out.