Claws and Fangs

Truth Be Told

"You don't have to act so relieved," I snap at Mark, stuffing my council clothes into a duffel. The rest of the meeting had gone by quickly, with only a few arguments of hunting boundaries being brought forward. It all seemed so mundane after the spectacle we became. Now everyone was taking their time packing up to leave. Mark, out of alleged gratitude, was following me like a pup after his mother. I can barely look him.

"I'm not relieved, I'm still shocked that you agreed," Mark corrects me. After being betrothed before the Council, we have six moon cycles to get married, or else the Council members will mark him as a nightrunner to be killed on sight, an order no wolf will be able to resist. Not even me.

"Yeah, well relieved or shocked, you can't just sit there gawking like an idiot. Get these bags to the trucks. I have to take care of my brother." I toss the duffel to him and stalk out of the room, only a tiny bit sorry for being rude. It's not really his fault that we're engaged, but I'm angry at Isaac for getting us here, the Council for such unforgiving rules, and him for not telling me what he thought was going to happen. Of the three, he's the least dangerous. On the way out, I run into Hestia. Literally. It would have been a full-on body slam but she steps to the side.

"Hey, where's the fire?" she says, putting her hands on my shoulders. "Is everything alright?"

I'm practically agape at the mere idea that anything could be "all right".

"No, I've got too much to worry about. I've got the kids to worry about, my mother to find, I probably need a grief counselor of some kind, Isaac is still out there, and let's not forget that I have to pick up save the date cards on the way home."

"I can help with a couple of those things," Hestia replies, spilling out answers as quickly as I can come up with problems. "Coinin and Laura are welcome to stay with Quarter Moon until you're ready for them. I can't do much about Isaac, that pathetic creature, and I can't make the dead rise or the wandering come home. As for Mark, I have to admit I'm confused. When he was injured, you didn't leave his side for a full day, and I know you had feelings for him; you told me you were close with him?"

"And he told me it was just sex," I shoot back. "I thought maybe he had feelings for me, but I was wrong. He was just using me to satisfy a craving. Now we're married."

I guess I still am pretty sore about that.

Hestia pulls me into a hug that I didn't realize i needed. "I'm sorry he hurt you, Mona. I wish I could tell you why he did it, but--

"But there's no understanding that kind of thing?"

"No. I understand him perfectly. It's just that he looks like he's dying to tell you himself," she says, gesturing to the door. I turn, and my face starts burning. Did he hear all of that? "Give him a chance to explain," Hestia urges, rising and leaving very quickly

Mark stands there awkwardly with his hands in his pockets.

"Well?" I demand, embarrassed and angry. "What do you want?"

He starts and sits down next to me. "I want to apologize."

I fling my hands up. "Of course, now you apologize. Now, when you realize you'll be shackled to me for the rest of your life."

"Do you really think you'll be that miserable with me?" Mark asks with a gentle expression of concern. His hand brushes mine accidentally, and I jerk away.

"Why shouldn't I be? You don't care about me, and this" I gesture between us, "can never work."

"I knew what was going to happen at the Council," Mark says quietly.

"Yeah, I know. You knew enough to turn down losing your Howl, but I guess your crystal ball didn't get to the whole 'or else you'll die' bit, right?"

"I don't mean-- well, yeah, I knew about all that, but there's more."

"What do you mean?"

"The morning after we... well you know, I spoke to Hestia about the Council. I told her I wanted to go after Isaac. She told me that if I came forward, it wasn't likely to make a difference, and since giving up my Howl would mean sacrificing myself anyway, I knew I would probably die. I had to speak out against my father."

"So what does that have to do with me?"

"She also told me that I could marry into another clan to save myself. She hinted that you might be willing, but I couldn't... I knew that you had feelings for me, and that you would say yes if you knew the other option was death, but I couldn't spend our lives thinking that you only married me because I would die otherwise. I wanted you to choose me. I wanted you to love me, if you could."

I search his face for any trace of a lie, but he's more open and honest than I've ever seen him be.

"But we only had a few days; I couldn't expect you to fall in love with me by the new moon, which meant that my only real option was to let them kill me. I wanted you to be free to choose the life you wanted, which also meant that you would have to choose to let me die. That wouldn't be possible if I let myself get close to you, or if you got close to me. I wouldn't have been able to die if I had something to live for. If I had you." He reaches for my hands again, and this time I let him take them. "Please Mona, believe me when I say it broke my heart to walk away from you, and it makes me so happy that I won't have to ever again. Please, even if you can't forgive me, please just believe me."

"I believe you," I say carefully. "And... I think I forgive you."

"Oh thank god," Mark heaves out a sigh of relief. If I had known he was that terrified of my response, I would have made him wait a little longer.

"Don't get too cocky about it," I say, pulling my hands away from him. "You didn't just hurt yourself; you hurt me. I don't want you to think we can be a couple, just like that. You kept secrets from me, and lied to me, and made me feel like you used me. Forgiving you doesn't mean that just goes away. I'll trust you with my life, as always, but my heart needs a bit more time. Do you understand?"

He nods. "Of course. I didn't want to force you before, just because you saved me anyways doesn't mean I'll try to make you do anything you don't want to."

"Including the physical part of marriage?"

"Including everything."

I hesitate a moment, but then I take his hand again. "Thank you."

There is still so much to be done... going back to Half Moon, starting the process of rebuilding, establishing myself as a leader and making my policies known -- sitting here with Mark, holding his hand and knowing that he's going to be there with me through it all, I don't feel so alone.

Finally, I'm not alone.

--------------------------------------------------------END BOOK ONE-----------------------------------------------------------