White Horse

I know that you won't be able to see this, I'm sure of that. But either way, I'll still leave this here just to free my thoughts, this letter and message will be delivered through a song.

To anyone who'll read this, I suggest that you'll listen to Taylor Swift's White Horse, preferably on loop.

• Holding on the days drag on. Stupid girl, I should've known.

The day that we broke up, I made myself believe that you'll actually come back. I know that you have no plans on doing so, and I already know that there's a huge possibility that something's going on behind my back, but being the same masochist and martyr I am—I kept that to myself and just let it be.

It was one step away from hurting myself again, but it was my own choice.

I made myself look stupid for letting myself fall to your trap. I made myself even more stupid when I'm still hoping that you'll come back.

• Maybe I was naïve, got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance.

Going back to the days when we're still together, it's funny how I found myself so gullible to the point that I made myself be so vulnerable because of you.

I hate how you took it for granted, and I hate how I let you see right through me which gave you the license to hurt me like this.

Aren't you too cruel for doing that?

• My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you have to fight to have the upper hand.

That was the greatest mistake that I've ever did, I knew that I had to fight. But instead, I surrendered without any second thoughts and let my guard down—enough for you to take over me and almost kill me.

You were ruthless.

• I had so many dreams about you and me, happy endings now I know.

I've reached the point that I dreamed for us, for our future. That one day, we'll be having our own little world. But that will only remain as a dream, and it happened to be a nightmare.

And just like any other stories, we've come to an end. The only difference is, ours is not as happy as I expected it to be.

• And there you are on your knees—begging for forgiveness, begging for me. Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry.

It took me some time before finally recovering from the damage that you've caused.

I was on the peak of being whole again when you came and ruin everything again, just like how you ruined my life the moment you stepped right at it.

You apologized, you cried, even begged for me. You tried to get through me once again.

I'll be a hypocrite if I'd say that I don't want it, cause I do. I really do. But I don't want to feel the same old pain that you've caused before, I don't want to make myself look like a fool for believing you again, and I would never want to settle for less.

Yes, I love you, but I love myself more. I'm sorry. 

• I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.

It will take a long arse ride for me, I know. And it might take a whole lot of time for me to mend myself.

I would never want anyone to enter my life and see my broken shards, cause I know that they can use it to break me. Or just like you—they'll fix me and break me down into the tiniest piece.

This time, I'll make sure that the person will be the one who's scared of losing me.

• Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now.

It's all too late for you to regret the things that you did.

The damage has been done, you've caused me great pain. You can't just come back after leaving and expect me to welcome you with my arms wide open.

I won't make a fool of myself, I already learned my lesson.

It's hard, but I accepted and let go.

Now that I've moved on, and still moving on—I'll show you that you really did a huge mistake of leaving me hanging after everything.