Chaos in your Heart

Chapter 1

I was sitting in my room, holding my favorite book—it's a story about Peter Pan.

I asked my yaya beside me to read the story for me. Si yaya ay parang nanay ko na rin, siya ang nag-alaga sakin nung ako ay sanggol pa lamang. I am now six years old at mahilig akong magbasa ng mga fairytale books. Lagi kasing busy sila mom and dad kaya wala silang oras para basahin sa akin ang mga paboritong kong libro.

"Once upon a time, there were three children named Wendy, John, and Michael Darling. They loved bedtime because Wendy would tell them stories about Peter Pan. Peter was a little boy who had decided never to grow up. He lived in a faraway place called Never Land, full of adventures and fun. The children enjoyed hearing stories about him, and sometimes, Peter himself would fly down and sit on their nursery window sill to listen to the stories," my yaya read to me.

"But why did Peter Pan decide not to grow up?" I asked curiously.

"Hmm, dahil natatakot siyang harapin ang kanyang mga problema at maging mature. Muka man siyang matapang sa tuwing tinatawanan niya si Captain Hook. Ngunit hindi siya matapang harapin ang reyalidad." Pagpapaliwanag sa akin ni yaya.

Hindi ko naintindihan ang ibig niyang sabihin tungkol sa pagiging mature. But I thought that I would also be scared to face my problems in the future. Would I confront reality head-on or end up like Peter Pan, scared to face it? The only difference is that Peter Pan never grows up, while I continue to grow older and older.

Yaya continued reading to me.

"The children's parents could hardly believe that their children had been to Never Land. Wendy, John, and Michael never forgot Peter Pan, even as they grew up. The end." Sabay sarado ng libro habang nakangiting nakatingin sa akin.

"Naenjoy mo ba ang storya ni Peter Pan?" yaya asked me.

"Opo yaya! Nakakalungkot lang po dahil si Peter Pan, Wendy, and Tinkerbell end up miserable." I said sadly.

"Huh? Bakit naman silang naging miserable iha?" Litong tanong ng aking yaya.

"Kasi po hindi po sila pinili ng kanilang mahal sa buhay." Sagot ko sakaniya.

"Nakakalungkot, kung paano sila pinaglaruan ng tadhana." Malungkot niyang sabi habang tumatayo at nagpapagpag ng damit. Her eyes told a tale of sorrow and regret. It seemed like she remembered something from her past — her eyes were speaking.

"O sya Piper, ako ay magluluto na ng inyong tanghalian at baka pagalitan pa ako ni Sir Reginald." Biglang sabi ng aking yaya habang inaayos ang mga libro sa aking lamesa.

"Darating din pala ngayon si Ma'am Felicity, kaya kailangan ko nang maghanda ng inyong makakain at baka mapaalis ako ng 'di-oras." Dagdag na sabi ni yaya.

"Pero yaya! Di naman po siguro kayo pagagalitan ni daddy at mommy, they're so kind to others po and I don't think they will fire you just for reading a story for me." I said, trying to make yaya believe that my parents weren't like that.

My yaya looked at me with a forced smile and knelt down so that we were at eye level. "Sa mundong ito hija, hindi lahat ng nakikita mo ay totoo, hindi lahat ng naririnig mo ay katotohanan, dahil pati ang asin mukang asukal HAHAHA" she exclaimed, playfully ruffling my hair.

What did she mean by that? Was she suggesting that what I see and hear are just illusions or hallucinations? I didn't understand. Her words are so deep that I feel like drowning.

"Sige na, magluluto na ako at kailangan ko na ring maglinis. Kaya ikaw behave ka lang ah?" she pointed at me, still smiling. I nodded and fixed my hair, which she had playfully messed up.

She stood up and left my room.

My father, Reginald James Monteverde, is a successful businessman who owns several businesses not only in the Philippines but also in other countries. He may be strict, but I know he's kind and loving. He's always busy with his business, and we don't have much father-daughter bonding time, but I understand that he works for the sake of our family. My mother, Felicity Cerise Monteverde, is the epitome of perfection. She does everything gracefully and beautifully. But she seems distant from me—I don't know why, but I can feel it. When she looks at me, I sense her fiery gaze. That's why I'm sometimes afraid to approach her and be clingy, but I still love her.

After yaya left, I also left my room and headed outside to explore our garden.

Our garden is one of my favorite places at home. It resembles an enchanted forest, filled with beautiful flowers. Birds sing melodiously, and colorful butterflies dance against the backdrop of the blue sky while the sun radiates its warmth like the blazing fire of Titan in the heavens.

As I strolled through our backyard, I heard footsteps approaching. I turned to see a boy walking towards me. He was taller than me, with jet-black hair that partially covered his eyes like a sheepdog. His dull eyes scanned me from head to toe, and he wore a simple black shirt and cargo shorts, his hands tucked in his pockets.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, sounding bored.

"I was just exploring the garden, kuya." I replied nervously.

He was my older brother, Nicholas Ray Monteverde. Sometimes he could be rude to me. As the eldest in our family, he was four years older than me, while my big sister, Ivy, was two years older. My other brother, who is one year older than me, is the closest to me.

Ewan ko ba kung bakit parang ayaw sa akin ni kuya Nico pati na rin si ate Ivy, wala naman akong ginagawang masama sa kanila but they seem to hate me. Although 'di naman nila pinapakita iyon sakin at 'di rin naman nila ako tinatrato ng masama, pero yung mga tingin nila sa akin ang nagsasabi na ayaw nila sa akin. And I also sense their aloofness towards me.

"Mom and dad are coming here, so get yourself ready." Sabay talikod sa akin papunta sa loob ng bahay.

"Tsk, alam ko namang pupunta sila mommy at daddy dito. 'Di niya na kailangang sabihin sa akin! Ano yun? Mema lang? Memasabi?" Badtrip na sabi ko sa aking sarili.

Habang dinadama ko ang sariwang hangin ay may nakita akong pusang takot na bumaba sa puno sa labas ng aming garden, may butas kasi sa fence ng aming garden kaya pwede akong makalusot dito. Lumapit ako rito para kuhanin siya,

"Hayst, bakit ka ba naman kasi aakyat diyan kung 'di ka naman pala marunong bumaba? You're just troubling yourself, paano kung 'di kita narinig at kung walang tao rito, sinong tutulong sayo? Halika nga sasaluhin kita." Pagsesermon ko rito.

Ayaw niya pa ring bumaba kaya naisipan kong umakyat sa puno para kuhanin siya,  After a few minutes, I successfully got hold of the cat. Pagkababa ko ay may narinig akong sumigaw, boses ito ng batang lalake na tila takot na takot.

The cat meowed, approaching my feet and rubbing against them affectionately.

"Diyan ka lang meowy ah? Babalik ako, kailangan ko munang malaman kung sino ang sumigaw kaya stay ka lang diyan meowy ah?" I said to the cat, na para bang maiintindihan niya ako.

Pinuntahan ko kung saan nanggaling ang ang sigaw at nakita ko ang isang batang umiiyak at nagmamakaawang wag siyang saktan ng mga batang ka-edad niyang lalake. He had bruises and cuts on his arms and face, looking pitiful. Suddenly, anger welled up inside me—I felt like a volcano about to erupt.

"How could those kids hurt this innocent boy? What made them do such a thing? He was outnumbered, so how could he protect himself?" I thought to myself.

I was afraid to join the commotion, but I knew I had to help him. I gathered my courage, took a deep breath, and prepared myself.

"Hoy! Anong ginagawa niyo?! Bakit niyo siya sinasaktan?" Galit na sabi ko.

***