Irradiated

Chapter 25: A Confusion

Shocker! Two chapters in one day? Ze, what is this? XD Yes, to slightly make up for my delays due to school starting this week, I have decided to give you one more chapter before crashing in my natural habitat - bed.

So enjoy this one! It's one of my favorites. ^^

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All I could think about was how I could have let this happen. How could I just... let him slip away, without trying to make him climb back up again? It clawed and gnawed at my chest, to the point where it hurt. Someone was tugging at me, but I felt numb, as I always did. I dragged Trevor along with me, unable to let go of my dead brother's body.

"Mathias, you have to let go." Sam whispered softly beside me. Derrick was trying to pry me off of Trevor. He and Sam both knew that this would be unhealthy for me, sitting in the cold, while I cried over something I would never get back.

"I can't." I hoarsely replied, shaking my head. I tightened my grip around Trevor's back, as if to prove I couldn't. Derrick sighed, letting me go. Sam gave him a stern look, one that said, "Wait. Not yet." He nodded curtly, looking down at me with a concerned expression.

What happened next, I couldn't begin to comprehend.

Where Samantha was sitting beside me, she stared right at my eyes, begging me for something. I looked back at her confused, but when her eyes shifted towards Trevor, I understood. I wasn't sure what her intentions were, but they had to be good ones. After all, I trusted her. I slowly let go of him and his body rolled on, over to her lap. She stared at his frozen face, a deep look in her swollen eyes. They showed a loss from within her dark pupils, engulfed in a thin layer of tears.

"Trevor..." She softly reached out her hand towards his face, running the pad of her thumb over his cheek. I watched as she slowly leaned down towards his face and kissed his forehead. I smiled sadly, realizing that I wasn't the only one who had lost someone they loved. Somehow, I didn't feel betrayed. It was true, that Sam had once been mine, but I had forgotten her long ago. She had moved on and I respected that. In fact, it's what I would have wanted for her.

Sam looked back at me, then lifted him back up so I could reach out for him. At least she knew I still needed some time to actually let go of him - physically. Minutes passed as I continued to hold onto him, refusing to let him go. It was clear that this was going to go on, until someone stopped it. Derrick looked at Sam apologetically, before standing up from where he had sat himself beside her.

"I didn't want to have to do this..." His voice darkened as he walked around, now standing in front of me. My reddened eyes stared up at him, glaring daggers into him. I knew what was coming, but I was planning to fight even if it meant that I would freeze to death out here. He quickly grabbed onto Trevor and yanked his body away from me. I let out a yell of protest, like a baby squealing for its bottle.

"No, Mathias." Sam stopped me from standing up and held me back, for I was too weak to try and get back to him. "Take Trevor somewhere safe, Derrick. Don't bury him in the cold. It would be cruel of us to do so." Sam ordered him quietly, while I whimpered sadly. He nodded, seeming unsure of his current action, but still carefully held Trevor over his shoulder, starting on his way to a vacant area.

"How could you!" I screamed after him, tears streaming down my face. "How could you!" I repeated, over and over again, losing my mind right before Samantha's eyes. She did what she could to calm me down, but her attempts were to no avail. Her constrictions kept me in place, but they couldn't keep my emotions in check. I continued to watch in terror as Derrick's figure was swallowed away in the whiteness of the surrounding snow.

"It's ok... Let it out..." Now, Sam wasn't even trying to stop my pleas for his return. I stopped struggling against her because I now had no idea where my dear brother was taken. She softly hugged me, resting my head against her warm shoulder. I only sobbed into her damp jacket, my head throbbing from all my efforts and aching chest, though they were hurting without actually hurting. Sam pet me like a stray dog, lost out in the street without a place to call home. I didn't reject it. I couldn't reject something I could no longer feel.