Quinn the Temptress

Get Clean

Quinn Allman often thought one of the greatest joys in life was seeing exactly how far into the realms of absurdity Bert would take things before he reached his line. Since he was Bert McCracken, his limit was nigh impossible to find sometimes and one thing Quinn never could figure out was how far the guy was willing to go with a bag of broccoli.

Eating it as a form of seduction proved a success every time, and the reaction to Quinn slipping it into Bert's food when he wasn't expecting it turned out to be... Titillating, to say the least.

The hand job feat. broccoli experiment went better than expected though it wasn't without a few bumps. (Haha.)

Operation: Broccoli Blowjob had been a roaring success, and Quinn felt it was a miracle his mother hadn't overheard that one.

All the things they had done, and still Quinn struggled to find the line that separated 'Sexy and hilarious.' from 'Absolute ridiculous bullshit.' It was a fine line for sure. That desire, plus the sale at the local market, sparked an idea in his mind.

**********************************************************

"Bert, you fucking stink."

"What?" Bert grumbled, peeling an eye open to squint at the bitching blond whose face had, just seconds before, been pressed comfortably under his arm. "Fuck off, you been laying there for thirty goddamn minutes with no mention'a that."

Quinn, who admittedly had been enjoying the old-sweat-and-unwashed-clothes scented snuggle session, found the willpower to push himself off of the sleepy-eyed Bert. He brushed his hair from his face, set his jaw stubbornly, and schooled his face into the most serious expression he could master. Bert would not derail his plans, no matter how adorable the dude looked sprawled out like that, with his hair all messy, and his eyes half crusted with sleep. Like a grumpy cat that had just woken up from a nap.

"I said, you stink," Quinn picked up a strand of grease-soaked hair, scrunching his nose up. "You need a fucking bath."

"A bath."

"Yeah, with shampoo and conditioner."

"The fuck is conditioner?"

Allman rolled his eyes right up to god, whose hypothetical powers combined couldn't talk Bert into moving when he didn't want to and waltzed off towards the stairs.

**************************************************************

Bert was sleeping peacefully when Quinn returned, startling awake at the thud of a bottle beside him.

'Aussie Miracle Moist Conditioner' stared up at him, stamped in blue and purple on the white background. A matching shampoo bottle soon joined in, Quinn's arms crossed and a water stain marring his otherwise clean blue t-shirt. I like that t-shirt, he looks so cute, thought Bert lovingly as he picked up the shampoo and flung it viciously at Quinn's face.

"Bert!" Quinn groused, snatching it up off the floor where it landed. "Can you just do this one fucking thing without being a cunt about it? Seriously, I just think you should take a goddamn bath. Is it that fucking hard?"

Bert hated that tone of voice, hated the look on Quinn's face. The only place he wanted to see him frustrated and begging was in the bedroom... Or on the couch. Or bathroom. Or the changing room of that Hot Topic, or anywhere really where Quinn took his pants off. Huffing, he pushed himself up and followed Quinn begrudgingly to the bathroom.

"I'm going, I'm going, fuck. Such a whiny pussy, Quinny."

His complaints were ignored, shoved into the bathroom ahead of Quinn. The room was filled with steam, mirror fogged over, and the bath was already half-full. For a moment, Bert thought Quinn was planning to force him into a green-bath-fizz-and-bubbles hellscape for no reason. It was when the lock clicked behind him and Quinn's arms slid around his waist that he realised what was actually happening.

"There was a sale at the veggie market," He whispered into Berts ear, the two watching the broccoli floating in the bath water. "I thought we could... take advantage of-"

"You're doing a little too much talking and not a lot of fucking me up the ass in a bathtub. Take your goddamn pants off."