Fire Girl {UNEDITED}

Broken Girl

From here I remember only in flashes. I remember Thom's hands pulling me away as another warrior took Hagin away. I remember screaming at nothing and no one but the mere cruelty and horror of life. I remember Zola comforting me, seeing Douglas' face crumble as Thom explains, Quentin embracing me as I felt my whole being shatter into pieces.

Of all this I remember flashes. But how I have reached the bedside of my unconscious father, I have no memory.

He looks well. I haven't really seen him in weeks, when we rescued him all I was able to view was his backside. His beard has thickened to more than his usual stubble. His hair reaches his shoulders.

I hold his hand in mine and dread the moment he wakes. Yes, I want to talk to him. Yes, I want to watch my dad smile at me again. But I know along with this comes the inevitable fact he will have to meet: Hagin is dead.

Mum was the one to tell Henning. Douglas would have but simply couldn't. As much as I wish mum could take my place here, I know that I have to remain strong. It is my fault he is dead.

My promise I made to him weighs on my chest, heavier than a horse. Everything seems dimmer and gray. It is my fault he's dead. The blow that killed him was meant for me. It should have been me.

I think of the days before this all when Hagin used to make mudpies with Henning and would thrown them at the windows to scare the cooks. The little boy who was fearless and craved fun. Why do I deserve life more than he does?

The door opens behind me and mum slowly trails in. She smiles at me, but I see the rest of her face sobbing. She rests lightly on the opposite side of my father.

"How is Henning?" I say, my voice disguising my pain.

"He is still trying to understand it. I am not sure he has completely believed that Hagin is....gone."

She swallows the lump in her throat and I look away at dad. "Mum, I'm so sorry....I should have saved him. I could have saved him."

"Aisling, don't blame yourself further. There is nothing you did that could change this outcome."

I know her voice. She's lying to make me feel less like the failure I have proved to be. "We have lost so much mum." I breathe.

"Yes, darling," She replies. "But we have won much as well. I am very proud of you."

I meet her eyes. Surely she can't be serious, but her gaze is locked in mine. Her eyes brim with tears. I reach out and take her hand. "Mum?"

She looks away at dad. "He was right. You would come through. So brave and strong, I should never have supressed you. Often in my solitude I thought of my last words before we were taken...." Big salty tears drip onto the bed.

"Mum don't-"

"Let me finish," She replies shaking her head, "My sister Mariana was very much like you, bold and free in spirit." This news confuses me. I have an aunt. Mum sees my confused appearance and precedes. "She died before we reached adulthood. I had admired and loved her so. Losing her....I was so afraid that the same would occur to you."

My gaze cannot move from mum and I sit and gape. "You--you never spoke of this before."