A young girl with dull eyes is standing in the middle of a train track. She has nothing with her except a torn-up teddy bear in her hands.
I hope my train come soon. It’s gonna come from there, over that hill, I just know it. I ain’t seen it yet, but I just know it comes from that way. And you see, it’s gonna go off down the track and go on forever. I can see for miles along that way, it’s so flat. And it won’t never turn around. That’s why it’s taking so long to get here. See, it’s gotta go all the way around. The way I have it figured, this track goes in a circle, just one great big circle, around the world. It could take me anywhere I wanna go; I just gotta remember to get off ‘fore I come home.
Not much of a home I got here, though. Momma said she gonna take me away from Him, but that ain’t never gonna happen. He don’t like feeling like He don’t got all the power. No, she won’t never get out, but I could. He won’t never find me. I’m gonna get on this train and keep going until I reach forever. He says that I’m being fanciful with my dreaming. Well, I suppose I am, but if I weren’t fanciful, I would’ve turned into her a long time ago. Charise got took to his side years ago. But I didn’t want to leave my Momma to fight Him alone. Is that my train? Don’t you hear it? It’s coming. I’m gonna get on and finally get out of here. Oh, no, that’s the seven ten train down by the main road. The next one will be mine. The next one for sure.
Momma won’t never forgive me for leaving. She’d say I done abandoned her to Him. But she gave me to Him; she sold my soul to Him years ago, like she done with Charise. That’s how come Charise got took so easy. Momma just went and sold her to Him. She couldn’t never have stopped Him from touching me like He does. She says she can’t do nothing to stop Him. She could have tried. She just turned away and let Him keep on doing it. I won’t never go back to that, see? I know what He’s done ain’t right, but He tricks and lies like a fox. Momma told me so. He done got everyone to listen. He got Momma to listen when He said I couldn’t go to school no more. She said the He sings pretty things that sound like the truth, but there ain’t no honesty in Him.
This one, this must be it. Hear it? It’s coming from that way there. Like I said. But it’s still a far way off. I can hear it ‘cause I know it’s coming. But, see, you don’t hear it until you want it to come. It’s a different sort of train. It’s like Momma said. She said my train would come get me, so I come and found my track. See, it’s mine cause of this right here. It’s not so far away, only a few steps. There, that little thing right there. The one growing on the side of the track. Momma told me this here flower’s got my name, see? You see now? My name. Jasmine. My name. I’ve got my name on the track, so it’s mine. Momma known I’d figure it out, ‘cause she made me smart after He took me out of school. She did it in secret; she went and told me about the world. Now, she wasn’t never able to keep teaching me my letters, but I know lots more than Charise does.
Charise used to be mine, see? She was my baby sister, and a better baby you ain’t never seen. Momma used to call her a little angel, but then He come home. He went and took her from Momma’s hands and made her his. Momma didn’t stop Him; she just went and let Him steal her from me. We played every day until He come home. He went away a lot, see? And He had been gone for near two years ‘fore He come back. I went and wished that He wouldn’t never come home when I heard Momma wishing.
She got real round near a year after He left us. Mr. James come and visited lots while Momma was getting round. Mr. James took me to the park when Momma stayed at home. He said Momma was tired. Momma sure did sit a lot. Momma used to run and play and do fun with me, but Mr. James made her tired. Mr. James told me things. Mr. James told me that I was going to be a big sister. Mr. James told me that I was going to be safe. Mr. James told me that Momma would be safe again. Mr. James promised my sister would be safe. Mr. James said pretty things. But Momma taught me not to listen to pretty things men say. Momma listened. Momma let Mr., James see my sister before I did. Mr. James shouldn’t never have seen my baby sister before me. She was my baby sister. Mine. Mr. James wanted to take my sister away. Mr. James weren’t very nice, trynna steal my baby sister from me. Momma told me that Mr. James was a nice man, that Mr. James was gonna take us all, but I ain’t never hear Mr. James say I was gonna go too. I ain’t never hear Mr. James promise nothing for me. But Momma went and got ready to go. Momma was in an awful hurry after she got off the phone. Momma told me Mr. James was running late. Momma said she had to go find Mr. James.
And then He come home. Momma screamed when she saw Him. I think He was painting ‘cause he had red paint on his pants. Momma tried to lock the door, but she weren’t never strong enough. Momma told me to help. Momma yelled to save Charise. I ran. Charise was crying. Charise needed to be held. She stopped crying when I picked her up. She wouldn’t never keep crying when I was there. Charise and me got along too good. I heard the door open and Momma was screaming and He was shouting and they were both coming to the room. I tried to lock the door, but I weren’t fast enough. He came in and saw me holding Charise and got real quiet. I ain’t never hear him get quiet like that. Momma was still screaming. He had spilled some of the paint on her head but Momma didn’t wash it off. Momma grabbed his arms and yelled a lot of things. Charise started crying again. I got real mad then. What was they doing making my baby sister upset. They weren’t allowed to do that. And I told them so. And then He took her away and locked Momma and me out of his room.
Charise stopped crying. I don’t like that she got quiet for him. That was something she only did for me. Momma never knew how to hold her right. Then He come out of the room and gave Charise back to Momma. She was sleeping though and Momma started crying loud again. I took my baby sister from Momma and told her to hush up. I told Momma she’d wake Charise up if she weren’t quiet. Momma got quiet for me and took Charise back. She put her down in the crib and took me out of the room. Momma and me played with her one time after that. She wanted to get buried in the dirt, see? Momma told me that Charise wanted to get buried in the dirt. I asked her why, but she just took me late at night and we went and played with Charise. She wasn’t fun that night, but I went and helped Momma dig the hole for her to get buried in. When we put her in her hole, I asked Momma when I’d see her again, but Momma still hasn’t answered.
You see now? Momma let Him take Charise from me. Charise was mine ‘til he come home. Momma said Charise was happy now. Momma told me Charise went to a better place. But I know better. I know He didn’t let her leave. I know He took her away. Then Momma told me she won’t never let Him do that to me. But I know better. I hear Him talking late at night, saying He won’t never let Momma have me. And Momma can’t never stop Him. He’s too strong on her, see? He made her his, and He’s gonna do the same to me. That’s why I gotta get out of here, see? I just gotta leave. Momma told me I can’t never leave her, but she told me that someday my train would come and save me. And now I’m getting my train.
There, I see my train. That light just there. See it? Coming closer? It’s gonna take me away from here. I think maybe only I can see it too. Like only I can hear it. See, it’s my train so it’s just for me. It might look like I disappear when I get on. And that’s what I’m doing. I’m disappearing ‘fore Momma can let Him steal me. Louder now. Closer and closer. I’m ready to go. I won’t never go back. I’m leaving Him here and finding new homes. I hope it don’t hurt, boarding the train. See, I don’t think it stops. I gotta jump on it. And then it’s gonna take me away. Far away.
Here it is now. Coming over the hill. I’m leaving, Daddy. I’m leaving and you won’t never get me back.
