Writers Digest Prompts

Retirement Party Food Fight

“Forty years, huh? I still can’t believe after all this time you’re leaving.” said Peter nudging my shoulder.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “I’m getting old. Besides, there’s a lot I still want to do before I kick the bucket.” I replied.

He opened the door to the conference room where my party was being held. It had been a good 40 years and I was finally retiring from Initech; I was happy. Walking into the room everyone greeted me with handshakes and hugs; some were tearing up a bit. One person especially, Milton, was practically bawling when he came to hug me.

“I…I’m gonna miss you so much…” he mumbled through hick-ups.

I pulled him in close and gave him a very meaningful hug; while patting his back I told him I’d miss him as well.

“I’ll give you my favorite red Swingline stapler to remember me by.” he said awkwardly.

“Thanks a lot Milton, I really appreciate it.”

Just then, Bill, my boss, clapped his hands together and cleared his throat.

“As you all know, we are here to celebrate Alex’s retirement after 40 dedicated years here at Initech.” he spoke in his usual monotone voice.

He motioned for Carol to come over and cut the cake for me; it seemed almost impossible for everyone to get a piece. We all reminisced and chatted over the cake and ice cream for about a good half an hour. During our chatting it really hit me how much I had done at this company over the years; I was really going to miss Initech.

 “So, what are your plans now that you’re retiring?” asked Peter.

“Well…I do want to do everything on my bucket list and travel a bit, then, I’ll settle down in another country for good.” I replied.

After a while Bill made his way towards the front of the room again and spoke,

“So we’re gonna have Alex come on up here and say a couple of words, mmkay?” he scooted over to the side a little to make room for me.

This was my chance. Everyone here hated Bill with a passion, and this was my chance to get back at him for all of us; after all, I was retiring.

With a smile I began to speak, “Well, it has been a wonderful forty years here at Initech and I’d just like to say that…”

I took a deep breath and got ready to reveal Bill’s unmentionable secret.

“Bill secretly sleeps in his office at night! His wife called him a pathetic loser and kicked him out 4 months ago, so at night, he sleeps in his office.” I breathed out.

I looked over at Bill whose face was beet red; I couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous he looked. In shock, he quickly lifted up his plate of cake and smashed it into my face. I gasped and stumbled back a few steps; my face was completely covered in chocolate cake. A few of my co-workers chuckled to themselves, Milton was one of them.

“Hey! Quit laughing at me!” I grabbed a fistful of my half eaten cake and tossed it at him.

It hit him dead center with a splat. It was dead silent in the room while everyone stared at Milton with wide eyes. What the heck had I started?

“Take this!” Milton rushed towards me with his cake turned upward sending it right into my face.

Peter crept up behind him with two plates and smashed them on each side of his head. Before we knew it cake and ice cream was flying everywhere in the room. Everyone was yelling and shouting “he said, she said” things and exposing things that were never meant to be; it was a complete showdown.

“STOP!” someone shouted.

Everyone froze and turned toward Amir who was standing in the doorway.

“The stupid copier has another paper jam.” he mumbled.

Completely covered in cake we all looked at each other and erupted in laughter. I walked over to Peter and threw my arm around the back of his neck.

“Take care of yourself Pete.” I said smiling.

“You too champ, now get going.” he replied.

I nodded and said my goodbyes to everyone else and left the room. I really was going to miss Initech.