Understanding Introverts

My ex-roommate was a big fan of parties. Attending them, throwing them, being the life of them, the whole shebang. I on the other hand am the exact opposite, and so I spent the majority of his parties held up in my room watching YouTube videos. Every once in awhile a drunk person would stumble into the room (hypothesis: locks do not affect drunk people) thinking, or perhaps hoping, to find a bathroom on the other side. When they instead find me sitting on my bed, avoiding the party they’d say something like, “what’s wrong?” or “you okay?” or possibly they’d just walk out and yell into the crowd, “I found the party goblin!” Because apparently those are the only three scenarios in which not actively participating in a party is okay. 

Here’s the underlying truth; there was nothing wrong, I was perfectly okay, and I have not, nor will I ever be a party goblin. The plain fact that no one seems to understand is that some people just don’t enjoy parties. 

Hello, my name is Tenley Sablatzky, and I’m an introvert. 

Chances are you’ve heard the terms extrovert and introvert tossed around before, but to clarify the terms were first coined by Carl Jung. Jung compares the two psychological types to the Greek Gods, Apollo and Dionysus. Introverts are compared to Apollo, focusing on internal reflection, thoughtfulness and insight. Whereas, extroverts, like Dionysus are more focused with joining the activities of the world. He also explains that these two psychological traits are more of a one to ten scale as opposed to one or the other. Most people, sit somewhere in the middle of the scale, personifying both introverted and extroverted traits. 

For some reason however, introverts still seem to be the misunderstood minority. People see them as stuck up when they just need some time alone to recharge, and when they don’t actively participate in group conversations people assume their not paying attention. This is a fair enough point, after all, perception is reality. In an online review of the book, ‘Why Should Extroverts Make all the Money’ a gentleman named Thomas P. Crouser says, “Introverts are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don’t outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes silently and curse the darkness.” This may be the case externally, but only because introverts tend to keep their thoughts private until they’ve thought them through properly, and even then, sometimes, they will keep them private. Introverts, tend to want to fully comprehend a topic before voicing their opinion or offering an explanation. 

Back to the original scenario, you’re at a party, except you’re not actually at the party because you’re alone in your room listening to the party happen through the walls. Based on everything previously discussed their are two reactions to this. Extroverts may find this scenario depressing, while introverts may take comfort in it. Are either of these responses wrong? Of course not. The fact that there are two different personality types in no way indicates that one is better than the other. 

Why then are there so many myths and misconceptions about the nature of introverts? Jonathon Rauch tackled the subject in an article in the Atlantic Monthly saying, “Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood.” The most probable explanation for this is simply that they are extroverts. It's not in their nature to sit quietly and reflect about the nature of people who aren’t like them, that’s an introvert trait. Furthermore, as very open, talkative people themselves, it seems a ridiculous concept to them that someone wouldn’t enjoy such things. 

So what’s to be done about this, what can extroverts do to understand and support introverts and vise versa? The key is understanding. Acknowledging that this is not a choice, it’s a valid personality orientation. Asking the introvert sitting quietly in their room if their okay is not necessary. Remember the sage advice your parents probably gave you, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. This based on personality traits alone may come more naturally to introverts, but like Jung pointed out, introversion and extroversion is a scale, not an abrupt distinction.