𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒, art portfolio.

(002.) a toxic friendship.

"You can go your whole life believing one thing and it be false. You can go your life loving someone who doesn't love you back. Somethings will always be the opposite. The world will never be in your favour though it's rooting for you. Don't settle for the cover photo, you — we all deserve the whole story.

We always deserve the truth from the ones we love and care about. In hindsight we hoped they loved and cared for us back.

You can go your whole like be-lie-ving one thing and have it be false. Your friendship may mean nothing to them, a simple figure of their wants and manipulations. They can turn on you, break your heart when you least expect it. They can go from your second hand to the one that slaps you in the face. They can be the simplicity in a smile to the venom in a scowl.

You start to shake and the racing thoughts come. Your heart starts to beat out of time, occasionally missing a beat. You start to fidget. Your eyes get glossy. You blink in hope they disappear and never break the surface but you start to think again. You think of what happened and you know everything will never be the same and it's not alright. You crane your neck to find anyone looking at you, anyone picking apart your actions and staring into you. You sit on that bus and you wait. You wait for the hour to end and you have to sit in your place and be calm. You have to suffer so they can feel better about their mistakes. It's not your fault but they blame you. They blame you and they hate you, they don't want to talk you, reply to your messages and you wait anxiously for their name to appear and it'll all be okay.

You have to realise that this is their doing, you aren't in the wrong. You've done everything to help them, you answer all their calls — even the ones that wake your deep slumber. You travel miles for them, even though they wouldn't do it for you. They doesn't deserve you even though you can't see that. They don't make time for you, they don't it for you. They do it all for themselves.

You can go your whole like believing one thing, and it'll be false.

You don't want to hurt them and you want to fix all of it. But you don't do anything, you're scared of their judgement and their voice. You're small compared to them and you can't stand up to them. You're not angry, you're sad.

You're grateful.

You see how they live her life and you're glad you're you. You thank yourself that you chose the path you did, thankful you didn't follow them. You are at a crossroads. When you pass will is be over? Just like that?

It's hurting you both. What you believed, was false. They aren't your friend, they are your fear — they are what you fear. You don't know what you are to them and maybe that's for the better, a wake up call that you don't mean anything significant to them.

You run while they walk. You smile, they pout. They hurt them and you try to mend them. You cover up while they strip down. They sleep while you wake. They're public and your private. They want the attention and you want to hide. You are you and they are them. You do not belong to them, and nor them to you.

Help yourself, don't worry about them for once in your goddamn life. They have all they could possibly want, you are working your way up to that. The difference is you care and they don't. You went the whole time believing it was real, but in the end — it was false."

01/12/2019.