Just Another Friend // Joshifer

Chapter 3

Josh POV

I stay there for the rest of the day and night, and I find out I have a lot in common with Jen. She's crazy, but if I can get her calmer we actually have real conversations. I see the deeper side in her.

We listen to City and Colour and talk about our favourite books.

"I love An Imperial Affliction." She said, then she read me a chapter of it. I fell in love with it like I fell in love with Jen; quickly, but so secretly.

"Josh, tell me more about you." She says, leaning back on the rotten couch that I've managed to get used to.

"What is there to tell?" I laugh, clear my throat, and continue.

"I guess I'm depressed." I flick a smile, jokingly. But she doesn't respond; instead she frowns.

"It isn't something to joke about, unless it's true." She looks at me, her eyes sparkling.

I bite my lip and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. It's true, though." I shrug.

She stares at me for ages before pushing a strand of hair behind my ear and smiling solidly at herself.

"We are just a couple of idiots roaming the world and using it as our shield." Jen says, looking at nothing in particuliar.

"Or our weapon." I say, smiling.

She stares at me again, and this time she's not smiling nor frowning. An intent stare, I think to myself. She must care.

"You're such a wimp," She laughs, standing up and breaking away the stare, "only true gamers would turn shield into weapon. I guess I know the truth about you now. You're a cute - but utterly overjoyed when I say that - gamer and you don't like biting your lips but you chew them numb. You don't like ordering at restaurants, but you enjoy watching me at them. You love Sam, he's your best friend, but you can't stand him at the same time. Tell me, why would I like a guy like you?" She says, walking to the joined kitchen.

I stare at the floor and wonder: Why would she like me? All of the things she said is true, apart from the gamer part, I don't even own a computer, but all of them are secretive things. How could she absorb that information in such short time of knowing me, instead of the obvious things?

"Because I'm like you." I think aloud. She looks at me and smiles.

"You finally figured it out, did you?" She pulls out something from the fridge; a beer. She offers me one but I shake my head.

"Yes, I do admire you because, unlike others, you're able to understand me. You get confused if I'm upset or whatever, but yet you don't say anything. You try to comfort me, it's hilarious. You can put up with me, and I hate you for it. But at the same time, I love you for it." Jen sits back down and puts the bottle to her lips, taking a long sip. She breathes and looks back at me.

"You...you love me for it?" I gulp.

"Sure, why not?" She drinks more.

"Well, maybe I can.." I press my lips to hers as soon as she puts the bottle down. I don't know why, I felt like I had permission too. But I can feel it, the taste of her lips. Sour. Sweet. Pure like they've being kissed before.

I open my eyes and realise, pulling myself up, or maybe that's her pushing me.

When I take a breath and look at her, she's on the floor laughing. Laughing and tears spilling from her eyes. She's holding her stomach and rolling around, her laugh echoing.

I watch her have the fit, before sitting up and wiping the tears away.

"You make me laugh." She taps my cheek with her hand.

"Wha-what?" I raise my eyebrows, recovering from that kiss.

"Josh. Josh. Josh." She lets out another laugh.

I don't know whether to be confused or pleased she enjoyed it, if she is pleased.

"When I said I loved you for it, I meant loved your ability to see right through me. Not you. Oh, boy. I feel bad for you amigo. A) Because you need to practise your kissing skills, they're weak. And B) Because you must feel really embarrased right now; what, confessing your feeings and all." Jen smiles, going back to her beer.

I sigh and lean back, glad I kissed her now than later. I do love her, and somehow I know this will be forgotten.

"I'm going." I pick up my jacket and leave, not sure why. I'm infuriated with myself, but I feel like she could've handled that better. Not being so casual, tell me things like "I can't do that with you', handle it like a normal person. But no, she's not a normal person. I'll never forgive her for it.

I hear her footsteps against the pavement, quiet with bare-feet, and slow. She's not catching up, but she will.

"J-dawg." She calls out as I open the car-door. I borrowed Sam's car.

"What?" I turn around and raise my eyebrows, attempting to hide my anger but failing.

"Stop being so annoying, geez, you're so grumpy today." She rolls her eyes and I grit my teeth to hold in my anger.

She comes a meter away from me and I lean on the car, my body still.

"Just...go away." I breathe through my nose and hold my jacket so tightly I feel my palms sweat.

"No. You're right next to your car, why don't you?" She crosses her arms like a child. I follow her command like one, and pull myself into the car, making her expect what's expected.

I start the car and she rushes to the door, putting a hand on the window. I roll it down reluctantly, it squeaks and nearly smashes before I get it to the bottom.

"Okay, I'm sorry." She says flatly.

"You know what, I've met some crazy people in my life, like my own family. And yes, they couldn't keep each other calm, so they took it out on me. But I didn't go crazy like them, and I made a promise in life not to meet anyone so- just..just rude. I'm breaking that promise every second I spend with you. Not only that, but I'm pushing the promise futher. I'm sick of crazy people, sure, but you're insane. You're mental. In the head, possibly. I don't care if you've had a rough day, a rough month, year, life. But don't just think you can take it out on me like my family did. Don't think you can push me around like that. I may have liked you for a bit, maybe even love. But never did it cross my mind I would have a shot with you. The moment I got a chance, I realised how awful it would be to be with you. So, screw you. Have fun with your boyfriend, Nick, was it? Yeah, have a nice life with him. Hopefully he realises what you do to people before he can experience it. Bye." I say, every word smashing through the both of us.

I drive off, not seeing or feeling her reaction, and put a hand on my heart to make it slow down. I've never said something like that to anyone, maybe that's why it was painless. Or maybe that's because I feel tears come to my eyes.

I've only known her for one day, and if that's all I can take then I don't want to see her ever again. Something in my mind rings out to me, making me realise she can push me out of my boundaries.

But I don't want to be pushed out of my boundaries, I want to go there myself. Experience freedom, and if freedom is right now,

I never want to experience it again.

***

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Sorry it took forever for me to update, but I tried to make this as interesting as possible.

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