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"Cheers for the love that we can't have.."
"Cheers!"
"Cheers for the one who broke us!"
"Yes, please!"
"And cheers for us and our fucked up feelings that they've just thrown away..
"Fuckin' cheers for that!"
Mariin akong napapikit matapos lumagok ng alak sa basong hawak hawak ko. Kasabay ng init na onti-
onting bumabaon sa aking lalamunan ay ramdam ko rin ang pag-init ng aking mga mata dulot ng mga ala-
alang matagal ko nang gustong ibaon sa limot.
"Magiging masaya rin tayo ulit. Tiwala lang," puno ng
kompiyansang sambit niya dahilan para mamuo ang isang mapait na ngiti sa labi ko.
"Kailan pa?" tanong ko at tumawa ng mapakla.
"Malay mo bukas. O sa mga susunod na araw, buwan at taon. Hindi natin alam, wala naman kasing exact
date para maging masaya. Kung tutuusin, anytime of the day p'wede naman tayong sumaya kung pipiliin
lang natin."
Agad akong napatingin sa kaniya matapos niyang sabihin iyon at nahuli ko siyang nakatitig sa akin nang may ngiti sa mga labi.
"Kung gano'n lang kadaling kalimutan lahat ng sakit at maging masaya na lang, edi sana walang nasasaktan ngayon.
"Sabagay, may point ka rin. Hindi sana tayo nasasaktan ngayon." Tumawa siya kaya napairap ako.
Muli akong lumagok ng alak habang nakatanaw na sa malayo. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin tuluyang
nagsi-sink in sa utak ko ang mga nangyari. Ang hirap tanggapin na yung taong minahal mo ng totoo, nakuha pa ring magloko.
"Sa tingin mo, why do men cheat?" Namuntani ang saglit na katahimikan matapos kong bitawan ang
tanong na iyon. "How, the fuck, can you guys bear seeing your partners getting broken knowing the fact
that they're doing their best to fix y'all? I don't understand. Imagine, ilang buwan o taon niyo kaming
niligawan para lang saktan at lokohin? The fuck, are y'all dumb?" Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay narinig ko ang mahinang tawa niya.
"Gago, seryoso ako." Kunot noo ko siyang tinapunan ng tingin.
"Hahahaha, sorry. Natawa lang talaga ako. But kidding aside, there are different stories behind every man's
action. My thoughts alone won't be enough to justify the question 'why men cheat' for we all have different
perspectives in life. For example, I can tell the whole world that I chose to cheat on my partner because l
believe it's already a part of a man's nature while on the other hand, other guys cheat because they're not
satisfied with their partners and vice versa. Do you get my point?"
"Uh, yeah." Tumango ako. "That's why I was asking you using your own point of view." Ngumiwi ako na
ikinatawa niya ulit.
"Well, for someone like me who haven't tried cheating and haven't been cheated on, I guess men cheat
because they're looking for more, or for something that their partners fail to give. Maybe the satisfaction
or some personal needs that'some of you' lack. Temptation is everywhere. P'wede ring men cheat to feed their egos. Because they think having a lot of girls would make them look manly and cool," he said as he gave me a shrug.
"What an excuse. Why feel the need to cheat if you can just go, leave us alone and fuck your own life. Bakit
kailangan pang magloko, bakit hindi na lang iwanan agad? Kung sawa ka na, hiwalayan mo. No need to
break them and make them feel that they're just a worthless piece of shit."
"Oh, kalma. Bakit sa akin ka galit? Hindi naman kita niloloko ah," tumatawang sambit niya kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.
"Hahahahaha! Ito, tatanungin kita.
While you're eating your favorite food, another dish was served right in front of you. You haven't tasted it
yet but it looks so pleasing. Probably, you'll get curious what it tastes like so you'll try it. You find it good and
you'll take another bite. Now, will you stop eating your favorite food just because you find the other one delicious?"
"No. P'wede ko naman kainin ng sabay."
"Exactly. Try to apply it in terms of relationship. Bakit mo pa iwan kung pwede mo namang pagsabayin? Kung sa tingin mo magbebenifit ka sa dalawa, bakit mo papakawalan yung isa? That's how their mindset works." I was left dumbfounded when I realized what he said. But still, napaka-unreasonable.
"Hindi pa rin sapat na rason 'yon para manakit."
"Yes, I know. I'm not trying to validate their wrong-doings. l'm just trying to explain how they see things in a way that not everyone can understand."
"You seem to know a lot about cheating hmm, may bahid na pang-aasar na sambit ko na ikinangisi niya.
"Gaya ng sabi ko kanina, hindi ko pa naranasang magloko o manloko. Loyal 'ata to men. Sadyang marami lang akong alam sa mga bagay bagay," mapaglarong ani niya na pareho naming ikinatawa.
"Buti naman at hindi ka na busy para samahan ako sa kadramahan ko," maya maya pa'y lintaya ko pagkatapos ubusin ang laman ng baso ko.
"S'yempre ikaw pa. Kailan ba ako naging busy pagdating sa'yo?"
"Ulol"
"Hahahahahahaha!"
"Pero hays, bakit kaya ang malas natin sa mga ex natin, 'no?"
"Hindi naman haha"
"Naks, so swerte ka sa mga ex mo?" Pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay kaya natawa siya.
"Oo naman. I was in my happiest nong kami pa so I still consider myself lucky for having the chance to be with her even just for a short period of time. I have no reasons to hate her for she gave me this unexplanable feeling that will surely treasure for a lifetime."
"Then why did you two broke up?"
"Don't actually have any horrible experiences with my ex. There was no third party involved, l was the one
who fucked it up. Just not the right time, I guess."
"Oh, mind sharing kung sino ba sa mga ex mo 'yan?" Tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti,
"Ikaw. Ikaw lang naman naging ex ko." Tumawa siya.
Natahimik ako sa sinabi niyang iyon. Napansin naman niya iyon kaya agad niya itong dinugtungan.
"H'wag kang mag-alala, naka-move on na ako sa'yo hahahaha!" Kinurot niya ako sa pisngi kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin pero nagulat ako nang inakbayan niya ako.
"Honestly, hearing your sentiments about your relationship with your current ex, makes me feel bad for also hurting you before. I know past is past but knowing the fact that l also broke you years ago, makes me wanna hurt myself for being an asshole. Now I know kung anong nararamdaman mo everytime na nag-aaway tayo and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way when we were still together, but please believe me when I say you're worth it. Bobo lang talaga ako para pakawalan ka. Tho I never cheated, I guess I had no difference with your former boyfriend for i had caused you the same damage in a different way and time. But I'm glad that you gave me another chance to earn your trust once again,"
sinserong ani niya at ginulo ang buhok ko kaya niyakap ko siya.
"Thank you for always listening," bulong ko.
"No problem. Don't be sad, a'ight? I'm always here. Don't mind those 'exes can never be friends' shit. We're bestfriends, remember? And about the love that we can't have, just cheers for that. We'll have it sooner or later."
Napangiti na lang ako at niyakap siya. "Thank you so much, Key."
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