Here I am again, looking and feeling stupid once again. Just this time because of you. I promised myself that I wasn't going to catch feelings again for anyone anymore because so many people have proven me that I'll always end up hurt in some way. I was doing so great for a while until you came into the picture.
Before you even decided to get closer to me, we were basically strangers, we'd see each other around but at the same time, you wouldn't notice me. One day you just decide to approach me but why? Like the day before we were complete strangers. Was it some kind of dare? Was it because you thought I was easy to get? Did you see some kind of benefit for yourself? I honestly don't know why you decide to start talking to me, but I wish that I hadn't shown up that day, or that you would have just walked right past me.
Time passed and I remember that you told me that you liked me, but I had told you that I didn't know how I felt because I actually didn't know how I felt about you at the time. You said that it was okay and that you'd wait for me, I thought that it was cute and thoughtful that you weren't pressuring me into anything. And things were good, sometimes you'd hit me up just because, and you'd tell me that you appreciated me, that you were glad I was in your life and that you loved everything about me. Sometimes you'd even tease and annoy me but when you didn't, I would miss it.
Then you asked me to be your girlfriend, I told you that day that I kinda liked you and that I want to say yes but I just couldn't because I was confused. I wasn't confused as in there was someone else, I was just confused in the sense that I wasn't sure if I was ready to go for it because I've been used and left by people when they find someone better, multiple times. And I wasn't ready to feel that kind of hurt again. I'm not saying that I thought you were just like the others because at the time I actually thought you were different. But that obviously wasn't the case.
After you asked me out, you started to get more distant, you even stopped texting me and let alone talking to me in person. Even after I told you I had feelings for you, you knew I liked you back but I guess you didn't like the fact that I wasn't ready. You don't understand, my feelings for you kept growing but I would always see you with other girls so i never said anything. And I know we weren't together so I had no right to get mad but It doesn't change the fact that it still hurt.
You told me you liked me and that I was your only one, like did those words ever mean anything to you? because how could you just switch up on me like that, especially that quick. Maybe you just said those things just to say them but believe it or not they actually meant a lot to me. They made me feel all types of ways. I don't know if you started to be all over other girls because you were trying to make me jealous or maybe because you simply didn't actually like me. And I guess I'll never know what your true motives were.
But I'm actually more mad at myself for letting you walk into my life, I should've shut you out when I still had the chance. How could I have thought that someone actually liked me? Someone so ugly, so fat, so broken, and so problematic. Nobody in the right mind would ever like me for me, nobody ever wants to be associated with the ugly fat depressed girl. Its okay though, I don't blame you for leaving, I would've left myself too. But why did you lead me on? why did you have to make me think that maybe there was a chance, that someone cared, that someone was willing to help me with my problems and stick around. I told you that I liked you, and you just distanced yourself, like did I disgust you that much? did the thought of me liking you disgust you because you didn't actually like me?
But don't worry, I might still like you, but eventually, I'll get over you and you won't have to deal/worry with the thought of me liking you. I'm not going to lie, these feelings won't just go away like that, because the feelings I have for are real, unlike yours. And it's going to be hard to forget about you because I'll be seeing you around and hearing your voice, and every single time it will just flood my mind with the thoughts of why wasn't I good enough and keep reminding me about all the things you'd say to me, the butterflies I'd get in my stomach when you looked or talked to me and even all those times you teased me.
Now It's just funny how we ended before we even happened.
