My Past Is Haunting Me...

My Mum...

As he traced my cuts, I winced with pain. It hurts badly. He doesn't know much about self-harm, but I know when these cuts were made and they are recent.

He told me not to do it, but I cant stop. These may be a week old but to him they are only just done. I know it tears him from the inside out, that I'm cutting but I can't stop and he doesn't know why.

My name is Izzy and I love BAM. Bars and Melody, in long. They have been my inspiration and now we are best friends. Well Leondre is my bestie and Charlie is my boyfriend. I love them both so much, they are my sane keepers and take me away from any harm. They are like my right and left arm, I can't live without them, now I have met them.

By the way, I am 14, I have an abusive mother and a runaway father. I love them both although I haven't seen my father since I was 7, and my mother only comes home on the weekend.

She often stays at other people's houses, doing god knows what. Although I know, I don't like saying. She has been messed up ever since dad left, and if I ever tell the police or anyone, then she will run away and I will never see her.

Leo and Charlie, both know that something is wrong with her, but they never question me about her because they know I don't like talking about her.

Another thing you should know is that she hurts me. Whenever she comes home drunk, she will get a belt and whip me or even worse he brings home her boyfriends son, so we can have some "time together"

I hate it, he is so dirty minded and always wants to come onto me. His name is Richard, he is pretty good looking to most girls and works out. He has crystal blue eyes and brown hair, always up in a quiff.

He always comes round in chino jeans and a fitted T-shirt, but there is no point, they always come off anyway.

I have probably seen him in his underwear more than his parents. He thinks I like him, even though I tell him I have a boyfriend.

This brings on a flashback...

*HE STARTED TO UNDRESS... MY MUM HAD TOLD HIM, HE HAD TO SLEEP IN MY BEDROOM. GREAT!!! HE ALWAYS DOES THIS AND IT ANNOYS ME SO BADLY. I DON'T LIKE HIM, INFACT I HATE HIM. AS I STARTED TO PUMP THE BLOW UP BED, HE TELLS ME TO STOP.

"WHY???" I SAY.

"BABY GIRL, YOU NEED TO SAVE YOUR ENERGY FOR ME. TONIGHT!!!" HE SAYS, WINKING.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??? YOU AIN'T COMING ANYWHERE NEAR ME TONIGHT OR ANY OTHER NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE"

AS HE STARTS TO TOUCH MY ARSE I TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF.

I FINISH BLOWING THE BED UP. WITHOUT HIS HELP!!!

HE STOOD THERE WATCHING, WHEN I ASKED HIM WHY HE WAS STARING. HE SAID HE WAS ADMIRING MY SEXY-NESS, LIKE WHAT THE HELL!!!

AS I FLOPPED ONTO THE BLOW UP MATTRESS, ONLY TO FIND RICHARD, GRINDING ON ME!!

AS I START TO PUSH HIM OFF, HE HOLDS MY HANDS DOWN AND STARTS TO WHISPER INTO MY EAR.

"YOUR MINE AND MINE ONLY. DON'T THINK WE AREN'T GONNA BE TOGETHER. WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN TOGETHER."

"I DON'T WANT IT TO HAPPEN, NOW GET OFF ME, NOW!!!"

THEN HE STARTED TO TOUCH ME UP. ALL ACROSS MY BODY. HELP ME!!!

I LET HIM CARRY ON FOR A MINUTE, SO IT SEEMS LIKE I HAD CALMED DOWN, THEN I KICKED HIM HARD, STRAIGHT IN THE BALLS.

AS HE YOWLED BACK IN PAIN, I MADE A RUNNER FOR MY BED. I WRIGGLED UNDER MY COVERS AND PULLED TIGHTLY, NOT LETTING ANY GAP BECOME VISIBLE.

"AWWW, BABE DONT PLAY HARD TO GET"...

THAT NIGHT I WOKE UP TO FIND HIM LAYING NEXT TO ME, STARING AT ME, IN HIS BOXERS

"YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES, YANOE"*