Listen

Decode - Paramore

(A/N: I'm attaching the lyrics of the title song so you get the feel.)

How can I decide what's right
When you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win your losing fight
All the time

How can I ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
No, not this time

Not this time

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood
But you think that I can't see

What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own(I'm screaming, "I love you so")

On my own(My thoughts you can't decode)
How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well Yeah

How did we get here?
Well, I think I know
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves

Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves
Yeeeeeaaaah...

  How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well Yeaah, yeaah, yeah
Well, how did we get here?
Well, I used to know you so well
I think I know
I think I know
There is something
I see in you
It might kill me
I want it to be true
    

Your silence. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was what drew me to spill to you and as you well know, I tend to overattach myself to people I tell things to. Maybe that, and the way I'm just comfortable, with you just sitting near me, holding our own devices, with some music in the background, whether it's Love Story by Taylor Swift or Decode by Paramore, and one of us starts talking, and the other one just comforts, keeps their silence or say something similar to the experience being told. I like listening to you a lot because every time you tell me something, I feel like I can decipher your soul, read between your lines, and finally understand you, all your complexities and moodiness, even though I hardly can tell what your gazes, or shit you tell me mean.

But what I like the most, is the time you don't say anything at all, when I say something, like the way I feel, or an opinion on some subject matter, and you just look into space, maybe on nothingness, and I bask myself in the ephemeral embrace of the inevitable silence. People mistake it for just thinking, and I know you'll never understand that's what I like most about you. That I can just say anything and you'll be like 'okay'. That I can say something without dreading any reaction. It's just that when I say something to others, they always cut me off, for example, when I tell them how I am feeling I am met with long, winding stories of complexities I don't give a fuck about, or just ramblings of how their day went,  try to comfort me with saying stuff that does not even reassure me, spill their tea on me without realizing I need to spill mine too, and just completely say everything because I'm the listener. I always was, because of my quiet nature, and they don't understand how I can only understand my thoughts with silence.