Three Days With Him

Two

You are so silly, boy!

Either that or you like illusions!

What do you think you're doing?

Something unexpected happens and you go and read the facts the way you want, letting a naïve joy take you over like you haven't been struggling to deal, digest and assimilate what had happened a little time ago?

For God sake, calm down!

For your, my, our good - and this "our" doesn't include just you and I - be in peace, ok?

I woke up in the morning still with a pen in my hands and my journal on the floor near the bed. Immediately I remembered the conversation I had with Rafa the night before, the words he told me and that for the first time seemed to me loaded with an extra meaning, the reticence placed at the end of some sentences that seemed much more a sign of insecurity than simple punctuation.

Was it my impression or was Raphael flirting with me at that hour of the night?

I, Manoela, an expert in fantasizing everything that happens around me, did not know what to think, and inadvertently let my impulsive side stand between us.

I don't know...

I literally froze as I read those words on my cell phone screen, I couldn't even say "bless you" and simply ploft, I disconnected the Facebook chat.

Needless to say, I still stayed for almost half an hour re-reading our conversation, scrolling up and down the messenger window, trying to convince myself that I was seeing hair on eggshell, horn on horse's head, and especially that my friend virtual wasn't declaring himself to me.

I'd rather believe in it than go through an illusion again ...

It took time to sleep. I remembered how Rafael and I met in a Facebook reading group.

I'm an unconditional fan of novels and he's completely in love with Harry Potter and Hunger Games.

At the beginning of our friendship I was reluctant enough, policing myself constantly, because all I didn't need at that moment was to arrange a virtual crush. But over time, part of me started to relax, and without realizing, I stopped fearing the closeness that was becoming more and more between us.

We talked almost every day, more than once a day, and until this apparent flirtation of Rafa, I hadn't realized how much we were present in each other's lives, and more, how much I would miss him if one day we stopped talking.

Just thinking about that possibility, I felt a giant squeeze in my chest.

I did not want to, could not ruin everything with my fantasies, not with him.

What if Rafa was not declaring himself at all?

E se o Rafa não estivesse se declarando coisa nenhuma?