a collection of k-pop oneshots。

why。(changlix)

SHIP: Seo Changbin x Lee Felix (Changlix

NOTES: angst; themes of death, suicide

"I can't help but wonder," Changbin began, looking up at the sky.

"Why you? Why did I fall for you?" He wondered aloud eyes trailing down to the bouquet of flowers he held in his hands.

"Why do you seem so perfect, in every way, shape, and form?" The short man continued, looking to lock eyes with the other, Lee Felix, who he couldn't help but fall for.

"...Maybe that's just the way love works." He answered his own question.

"You seemed so happy, so vibrant, so alive with energy and life. The complete opposite of me, actually." He went on to describe the younger.

"But..." Changbin hesitated a moment.

"Was that all fake?" He asked another question, "Was that only a mask, a veil?"

"How much were you hurting inside?" Changbin took a deep breath, looking at the sky once more for a quick moment, then stared at the image of the only person he's loved. His grip on the bouquet of flowers tightened and his eyes squeezed shut, tears threatening to spill out.

"Why did you never ask for help?" Changbin wished to know the answer, "Were you scared to?..."

"All that aside... there's one thing I want to know the most..."

"...Why did I only realize I loved you when it was too late?" He fell on his knees, at the foot of the cursed gravestone, the gravestone that was only a cruel reminder that Felix was long gone. Felix's picture was propped up against it, and even though he looked so happy, so filled with life, that obviously wasn't the case.

After all, why would he commit suicide?

"If only I knew..." Changbin shakily let out a breath, "I could've done something. I could've saved you." Tears began to roll down the man's cheeks, and, he would deny this if somebody mentioned it, he began to sob and cry out his heart.

It took a long while for Changbin to regain his composure. Once he did, though, he admitted, "You know, I would love to join you up there. But I'm a sinner, a terrible sinner. If I died, I wouldn't be taken up there and join you. I would just sink all the way down to hell, cursed for eternal suffering."

He slowly placed his bouquet of flowers right in front of the picture of Felix, reluctantly standing up.

"I miss you," Changbin started, "and I hope you're dancing with the angels somewhere up there, being happier than you ever were down here."

He slowly stuck his hands into his pockets and began to walk off. After taking a few steps though, he stopped and turned back around. A single tear rolled down his already-tear stained face.

"I hope you'll hear this up there, because I never got to say it when you were down here, but..."

"I love you, Lee Felix." Changbin finally said, and he couldn't help but wish things turned out differently.