Twisted

Chapter 1

I sat in the back of my 8th period classroom, taking notes as my history teacher showed her power point. Everyone else was either talking, texting, or sleeping. Even though I felt extremely awkward, I liked paying attention. It helps me not think about how lonely I really am. Not that I'm a complete loner or anything, I have a few friends. Only problem is that they will drop me at anytime if someone better comes along. But I guess it was better than nothing.

 The bell rings and I jump out of my seat, ready to go home. I rush to my locker and start shoving books into my backpack. "Ready to go Summer?" My friend Ava asks as she walks up behind me. I turn around and face her. She is tall, blonde, gorgeous and looks as if she's in desperate need of a meal. Just looking at her lowers my self esteem. I turn around to face her and put a fake smile onto my face "Yeah let's leave." I reply. "Okay well Brooke is in the uh, library" Ava mentions, with a weird look on her face when she says library. I just nod and follow her out the school doors. We get outside and Ava sits down on the grass. She pulls out her phone and immediately starts texting. Of course everyone wants to talk to Ava. I sit next to her and pull out my phone. I can't help but notice how fat my thighs look compared to hers, so I lift mine up a little bit. 

"Sorry it took me so long. I couldn't find my book." my other friend Brooke explains. I fake another smile and shrug. "Well if you weren't such a nerd we wouldn't have this problem." Ava says sarcastically as she saunters past us and goes over to Brooke's car. Brooke's smile faded a bit but as quickly as her smile had disappeared it re-appeared. She flipped her dark ponytail behind her shoulder then turns to follow Ava. Finally I get up and follow them. Once I'm finally home I sit down on my couch and turn on my TV. My favorite show, America's Next Top Model is already on. 

I am entranced by these beautiful girls, and now gorgeous guys, doing photo shoots and runways and living the dream life. I like to pretend I will look like one of those girls someday and be on this show. It obviously won't happen but it's ok. It makes me feel better. It's like a daydream, that I escape to when my life sucks. The only bad part of my fantasy land is when I have to come back to reality. I'm so lost in my show that I don't even notice my parents come home. "Summer!" My dad yells, "Care to explain why you got a B on your math test? You need to start studying more." I try to explain myself but he brushes me off like I'm an annoying fly. "Why can't you be more like Ava? She's on the swim team, plays piano, and is a straight A student! Or like Brooke who is taking all AP classes and is on the debate team? You don't do any extracurricular activities! You are so lazy! All you do is watch TV!" They start to cackle as my eyes fill with tears from their harsh words.

I run upstairs to my room to escape the ridicule, crying my eyes out. I wish I was like Ava. Smart, and perfect.  My vision is blurred by all of my tears so I wipe my hands across my eyes, not minding that I have eye makeup on. I can feel my anger bubbling inside me. Anger towards my dad, and anger towards myself. I pull my sleeve up and look at my wrist. Almost 2 weeks clean. In my sophomore year I secretly began visiting with my school's counselor.  He taught me to, whenever I felt like cutting, draw a thin line on my arm to remind myself of how strong I am. I know I'm going to

regret using a blade so I grab my pen and draw at least ten times. I decide that it's enough and go into the bathroom to wash my makeup off. When I look into the mirror all I see is puffy red eyes, a puffy red face, and just an overall ugly girl. I didn't ask to be self conscious. But in reality every girl is a little self conscious. Mine just decides to show up more frequently, and in bigger doses. I hated how I looked and I felt like I would never be happy with my appearance. Anger rises again and I try to push it down. I harshly flip off the light switch and go back into my room. I know it's going to be a long night, especially because of what happened with my father. I felt my stomach rumble but decided it wasn't worth going downstairs to get dinner. It felt like I stared at the ceiling for hours, it probably had been, before I was able to fall into a troublesome sleep. I woke up the next morning feeling anything but well rested. Both my parents were most likely already at work so I took my time getting ready for school. It's not like I was in a rush to get there. Although I enjoyed the academics of school, I just hated the social part. I trudged down the stairs and walked into the kitchen exhausted. When I looked up I saw pancakes on a plate with a note.

Summer,

I'm sorry about last night. You know I love you. I just wish you would try harder. I know you can do better. I hope you have a good day. See you at dinner.

Dad

The note didn't help with my mood at all. Although I'm sure his intentions were good, I couldn't help but hate myself for not being good enough. I snapped out of my self pity when I heard a honk. That'll be Brooke which means it's time for school. Sighing, I grabbed my bag and headed out the door, locking it when I got out. I walked straight through the grass which of course was wet. Perfect. When I got in Brooke's car Ava and Brooke where already having a conversation of their own. " Well maybe if you would actually make an effort to have a social life, you would have one." Ava advised. I want to stop them and ask what is going on but before I can Brooke whispered her side of this story "looks Ava it's not my fault my sister had a dance recital. I couldn't go". Ava rolled her eyes and replied with a " whatever, you choose what's more important to you. Us or them." Brooke slammed on the brakes, and looked over at Ava. 

"Excuse me, what?" She said in a very demanding tone. Ava just laughed and taunted her even more. "Don't you want to be popular? It's not going to happen if you spend every second with your family or your homework." Brooke's hands were clenched up in fists and her eyes were dark and squinted. "Out." She demanded. When Ava didn't do as she asked Brooke said it in an even more demanding tone. "Get. Out!" Ava raised her hands in defeat then gracefully exited Brooke's car, and with a nasty tone spat "whatever, I'll call Jaxson." Of course Jaxson, Ava's senior boyfriend, would come pick her up in his black Lexus and they would roll the top down to blast music and skip 1st to get coffee and make out.

When Brooke finally started driving again I decided to ask her about what had happened. "What was that about?" I questioned her. Brooke gripped the steering wheel tightly and did not take her eyes off the road. After a few seconds she decided to give me an answer. "I didn't go to someone popular's party last night and Ava was just angry that none of her friends showed up. I couldn't have because one it's a school night and two my sister had her dance recital last night." "That makes sense. Like what did Ava expect you to do? Sneak out?" I question her. "Yeah I guess" Brooke whispers. For the rest of the drive neither of us say anything. 

We start to pull into the schools parking lot and I am filled with anxiety. I have terrible social anxiety and I can guarantee it all it does is make school more of a challenge for me. I staggered into the building and went to my locker. I noticed earlier that Ava was with some of her other friends, the ones who don't know or like me, and the same was with Brooke. I don't know what came over me but I suddenly got a wave of misery. I tried to ignore it but it kept coming back. Ducking through the hallways I went to hide in the bathroom. No one was in there so I stood in front of the mirror and examined what I saw. I had on a sufficient amount of makeup on and my hair was in a side braid. I was dressed in dark jeans, a tank top, and a cardigan. It was an outfit that I thought looked good in my room, but now that I am at school I do not know if it is good enough.  But today it will have to do.