Alycia Debnam Carey - One shots

All These Years - Part 2

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Prompt:
Second part of All these years
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Few days passed since I saw Alycia again. My heart was pounding, heavy by all the things going crazy in my mind, never shutting off. I spent my nights awake, looking at the moon, getting lost in her brightness while on the other side of the bed Camila was laying, probably asleep while all these voices in my head never felt asleep. I was visualizing the mess I made inside my head, eyes closed or opened, I see it. I see them. Both of them. Each similar moments I spent with them playing next to each other on a different screen, forcing me to look only at one screen but I couldn't... I could only look down.

The clock has now rushed to the early morning, the time I usually have to wake up whereas now I would just stand up rather than wake up. My eyes were heavy, I felt the weight of the sleepless night on my shoulders, in my whole body, weak, trying to bring me where I wanted to.
I went to the kitchen, preparing the massive dose of caffeine I needed while I went to the bathroom to shower. I usually love feeling the water falling on my skin, slowly waking all my senses but now, I felt numb, tired, unable to fit in the reality.
My hair still wet, my make up still undone but dressed up, I went to drink a cup or two of coffee. That's when I found my fiancée, sitting on the counter, a large t shirt on and a cup in her hands.
-Here take mine!
-Thanks...
I took few sip, feeling the hot beverage in my throat, praying it'll shake something inside.
-Please Y/n say something...
I

brought my eyes to hers, watering and puffy.
-Since you saw her again you're... Silent, distant... Empty! You have to talk to me! I can't live like this...
-I'm... I'm sorry... I don't mean to hurt you I'm just... Completely overwhelmed and freaking lost!
I said, cracking as she joined me, hugged me so tight like she was afraid all the pieces could fall on the floor in a second. She cupped my face, tears falling from our eyes.
-You know... If you have and want to go back to her, go... I don't want to be the one who reminds you I'm not her, that you wish everyday it was her and not me... If you love us both, do it...
-I can't... I can't go back to her... As much as my mind wants it to release all this weight, I can't... I messed it up years ago and I can't go back to her, pretend nothing ever happened! None of us deserves this...
She was looking at me, her eyes holding the deepest sadness I've ever seen. Yet, I already saw it. In these deep and bright green eyes. I was hurting her, I was hurting her the exact same way I already did. I was ruining everything because it should be easy. I should have opened the door when Alycia came and never see her again, living the life I already had. But I couldn't. And again, I saw these kind eyes but this time in a deepest color, looking into mines, begging but still portraying the purity and love their hearts held.

I realize at this moment that I couldn't miss Alycia. I couldn't love her. I chose to walk away, I pushed her away, let her confused on the side of my highway. I had no right to want her love and belive even a second I deserved it. I was the beast in this broken fairytail.

•••

I was in my office, putting everything in order again as I was about to leave for lunch. I put my coat on, waving at the employees, hiding my anxiety for what I was about to face. My heels echoed in the big hall where she was standing again. My throat tied as I pictured myself saying her name again.
-Alycia?
-Y/n!
She greeted me with her safe embrace and her unforgettable smile.
-What is so important to see each other this quickly?
She smiled, curious.
-Let's go to eat something first shall we?
I led the walk to a restaurant I booked a table. We ate well, my heart already haching as I sipped the red liquid.
-You're not hungry? You didn't eat much!
-No hum... I... No I wasn't...
-So what did you wanted to talk about?
-Alycia I... I thought we could be friends but... We can't... I can't... I can't bare the idea hanging out with you because all I see is your crying eyes staring right into mine, begging to take back the words I said to you...
-Hey... I told you it's okay now! This is the past!
-Maybe for you but not for me... You don't deserve this as much as I can't deserve your love. I don't have the right to accept it and love you back! I chose to say these words, I chose to hurt you because I knew the damages it'll coast... I knew it and loved you but did it either way! I destroyed you... And I can't be the one to fix this... I'm not legitimate to be your healer if I caused the damages and deep cuts.
At these words, her face was blank, like years ago, not understanding the scene taking place in front of her eyes. I hurt her again. But this time I hurt myself with her too. I stood up and left, not fast, not slow, I just had to leave. Tears were falling hard on my face as I walked in the streets, feeling alone, empty.
-You can't run away again...
I heard her voice coming closer. She placed herself in front of me this time, not giving another choice than stop.
-Why are you doing this? Why are you always running away from me? From anyone when times gets rough?! I'm not a toy to be played with... I have feelings, a soul and a heart that still loves you, no matter what! I know what you did and you do too... But I can't help falling in love with you each time I see your face because above all if this you made me happy! You made me feel loved! Cherished! Please I...
I cut her, placing my hands on her cheeks, cupping her soft skin, brushing off her tears.
-No Alycia stop... Please... Don't make this harder... I... During these last days I couldn't sleep, I thought so much about this... If I should stay with Camila and let you again or leave her and hurt somebody else again... I can't leave her! I deeply love her, so much that I can't let my words hurt the way I hurt you way back when! I can't do this... I can't forgive myself for what I did to you and I couldn't bare doing it again! Not to her... Not to anyone else again... I love you, that's why I have to do this!
-No! You're just being selfish again...
-No Alycia I'm not because if I was I would leave Camila behind and run to your arms! I would only think about myself and I'm not! It seems like it but trust me I don't! I can't ruin this current relationship that works so well just to follow my desires! Sometimes people have to make choices... And I did mine... I won't runaway with you...
I tried to stay strong but my voice and eyes couldn't hold it.
I cupped her face again, feeling her skin wet by her tears.
-So now please Alycia listen to me... If you love me, you have to let our story in the past as I should! You have to forget this, you have now to leave us both the right to live our lives! I have to forgive myself as you have to let yourself love somebody else than me. Somebody that will constantly will take care of you, who will value you as their significant other, who wants to build something with you! Someone who will offer you their hearts fully to you and only for you! You have to take care of yourself, allow yourself to love and be loved by somebody better! And I know this will happen... Because you're a good person Alycia! You deserve so much better than this! Better than me! Please live!
She was crying like I never saw her or anybody crying. She nod as I said these words to her, breaking her heart but this time for her to go forward, to love and live.
-I don't want to love someone else than you, touch or kiss. I know I'm hopeless but... I wish I could be the one you will marry soon... I wish I could say "I do" to you... But... I won't...
-Please don't think like this Alycia! Please... Stand up! Walk fiercely! Be somebody! Be this kind and beautiful woman I once knew... You have to be this person again! If you love me than do it for me... I don't know what else to say...
My hands fell from her face as they dryed the tears left on her pink cheeks for the last time.
-Now YOU have to walk away from me... Keep this beautiful head up, keep these bright and unique eyes look straight forward, keep your steps strong, people need to know who you are! Walk away strong and proud Alycia...
I talked low, a sad smile on my lips. She touched my cheek one last time, my muscles relaxing at her touch, her lips putting one last kiss on the corner of my mouth, her eyes piercing mines one last time as she walked away, hands in her coat's pockets, slowly but her head high as I stood there, watching her leave forever this time. A discreet smile on my face built from sadness and relief joined my way back to my house, unable to work.

As I walked in our house, I saw Camila's petite figure appear in front of me from the living room, concerned eyes fixed on mines. I let my bag on my way to join her, kissing her lips passionatly as the last tears rolled on my cheeks.

Loving her had consequences

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Hey my beautiful people!
I'm back!
I had to take a small break because I wasn't inspired at all anymore for anything... So here I'm back with maybe the saddest chapter I've ever written!

What did you think of this?

What would you have done? 😲

Love you all, take care and love yourself ❤️ Xx

Ps: Hope you like the little edit I made for you all 😉