Your Mask

A Puzzled Mind

Monday.

I didn't really think much of today, same people; same old school. It would be a day just like any other. I'd grab my school books from my locker, maybe get shoved in the hall once or twice by the jocks and then arrive at class about three minutes late.

I'd sit in my normal seat by the window at the front of the class, pulling out my notebooks and my pencil case which I neatly displayed on my desk. Everyone behind me would be chatting and laughing, throwing things around the room and moving in and out of the classroom, whereas I just simply sat there. Thinking.

It was a nice day, I guess. Birds were flying past the windows and soaring through my dull atmosphere; wings reaping at my sorrows as I watched them dip from the skies and curve upwards carelessly. I wished for such freedom. The sky was clear and pale blue with a white sun shining down onto the building. The bothersome noises from around me suddenly faded away as I found myself lost in awe at the sight of the outside world.

I'm not sure why, but my mind suddenly turned to the class once more, abandoning the window. I began to focus more on my classmates. Laugh. Chatter. Noise. But when I looked slightly closer, I had a realisation. The people I had paid attention to, the people who had influenced me to be who I am today...

What was this?

Upon close inspection, I glanced around the room. Exhausted faces as if they hadn't slept for days, smiles but with troubled eyes like an event that couldn't be forgotten. The girl in the back of the room with the crutches who always seemed to laugh, though never seemed to smile.

What was going on? I'd hadn't noticed this before.

The door opened. Our English teacher, Mr Cody, had entered the room; cheerfully telling everyone to sit down. I had lost my train of thought. Odd. Although this was the normal, everyday routine... It was different. Too different.

I started scratching my nail along the desk, caving into the wood. This was the usual activity for me since I didn't really have many people around. I had to entertain myself. The familiar contact of the desk against my nail soothed me slightly, causing me to forget my newfound discovery. I decided that it would be better for me to ignore it and retreat to my happy place with the birds among the clouds.

The noises around me would slowly fuse into a large, crowded thunder. The noise, then and there, would begin to then again destroy my peaceful thoughts. I covered my ears, longingly, until I finally heard what the voices were saying.

Mr Cody "Lachlan Hughes! Lachlan Hughes!"

I was startled. I didn't know what he said, was it a question? Did he want an answer? I didn't know. Maybe it was the register since the lesson had just begun?

I'd jumped up from my seat, forcing my hands on my desk as I'd nervously call out to the teacher.

Lachlan "I'm here!"

Giggles and whispers were heard behind me as I'd slumped back into my seat, red as a plum. They were mocking me, perhaps like mockingbirds as they chanted the same tune with different volumes - but not quite as sweet.

Mr Cody had given me a disappointed look.

Mr Cody "Make sure to pay attention, Lachlan. Your GCSEs are only weeks away."

Again, the humiliating whispers. It took Mr Cody some time to silence them with a raised, bony hand. I'd glanced to the board, and began to daydream. All I could think about was how birds could live without such shame.

Monday.

I was still at school, timidly leaving the classroom as I would be knocked and swayed by the crowds rushing through the halls. This wasn't new and surely would happen plenty more times. I'd waddled to my locker, longingly, as my life depended on it as the crowds of teenagers and loud, obnoxious yelling was overpowering my peace. I'd clung onto my locker until the beasts had vanished deep down the hallway.

I'd opened my locker, placing in my books and my pencil case, followed by my rucksack. Upon placing these items down, I'd looked up slightly to find a singular, white mask hanging from the roof of the enclosure.

I'd jumped, as I hadn't expected it... Then, I began thinking again. Think. Think. Think. Somehow, the mask had given me a crazy theory as to my discovery from before, like a deep, burning realisation that I hadn't even considered.

Those strange but clear details of my fellow classmates were no more than masks themselves. Their happy agenda, their obnoxious yelling and laughing... Was all an act. I can't believe I didn't see it before.

I'd travelled carefully down the hall, hands buried deep into my pockets as I'd watch people around me closely.

I'd noticed almost instantly two girls standing by the lockers. Both laughing and smiling, scrolling through their phones as they'd exchange texts and screenshots of their boyfriends perhaps. Though there was something off about them.

One girl, with long blonde hair, plaited with ribbons had chapped lips as if she had shredded them to pieces; perhaps anxiety that she can't control and now has a horrible habit of tearing her mouth like paper. She was also a fairly skinny girl, anorexic maybe; it gave me the impression she had starved herself at some point in her life to be accepted by those around her.

Then, the other girl. Slightly shaky, with a slouched posture and big sunken blue eyes. As she'd spoken, she was kind of rushed at the tone, as if she were trying to change the subject. Allegedly, she was socially awkward or was in an abusive relationship. But of course, I didn't know these girls, so it was strictly speculation.

Then, I'd made it to the canteen. The loudest place in the school. The jocks would be yelling about football and chicks at their table and the cheerleaders would talk about boys. The geeks would be on their phones and the nerds would be studying. Simply the normal routine.

But something caught my eye...

A group of girls. Five, in fact, who were sitting around a table. It seemed as though one girl was too fragile to speak up and simply sat on the corner whilst her friends chatted carelessly. It seemed her mask was to simply act like she didn't care, but her mask was like paper and easy to rip.

Then, there was the other four. Whenever the fifth would engage in conversation, the girls would show no interest and resume talking about whatever they were. They were very dismissive towards her, perhaps, and didn't like her company. Or maybe since she bought them food every day they kept her around. It didn't really sit right with me, but I wasn't going to do anything.

Insecurity. Expectations. Anxiety. Depression. Unwanted.

The students at my school showed so many of these factors, though hid them so well. It was odd how they'd hide just to appeal to others. Most of these people would be happier to run around like a dog for someone else than to throw the stick... But why? Why would you do that to yourself?

I guess we all have a mask in our own way, it just depends on why you'd wear it considering we all have a reason... Though most of us don't even know we're wearing the mask, right?