the bad days

1

I called him mister.

I can still feel his heavy hand on my shoulder.

Those nights I spend away from home in a hotel wearing my pink bitterly shirt praying I wouldn't get blood on it.

Mister tells me to sit, on my knees in front of the door, palms up eyes closed. I wait counting down the minutes until I can go home reminding myself to pick up a surprise for the kids.

Ten minutes pass he is here he opens the door, I keep my eyes closed I’m shaking now I feel tears slipping down my cheeks as I silently cry. He walks in and sits on the bed behind me I flinch waiting for his touch 20 minutes pass it never comes he just sits there his presence heavy, dark, and cold. Three hours pass. My watch beeps and psycho knocks. Its time to leave

We sit like this every Thursday me waiting for him to do something, anything. He doesn't for five weeks I begin to relax I don't cry anymore most doesn't like that. The sixth week he touches me he speaks his deep voice echoing as he tells me who he is sometimes he plays with my hair others he just talks. He says He is 37 he lets me look at him, blonde hair he looks tired but shows no real emotion. On the times he plays with my hair he tells me about what he does what he has done. He puts it in a French braid as he tells me about the people hurt. As he tells me about choking his latest kill. He wrapped a cord around her neck he squeezed so tightly her eyes her face turned from peach to red to purple to blue. He kisses my forehead as he tells me about kissing her cold lips. My watch beeps as a knock comes I quickly get up. He pays me I walk out psycho following closely behind me. My mind is racing with a thousand thoughts. I walk quickly my ride is waiting. As per usual I make a stop to the corner store. I grab two candy bars for the kids Twix and snickers. I grab an energy drink for myself and hand it all to psycho who has slowly became like a friend to me. He doesn't like mister. He asks to change the agreement of him staying outside or in another hotel room and asks to be inside or in conjoined room I agree for mister only though. he scares me. I notice an extra 100 in the bundle he gave me. And a note. “See you next Thursday get something for your siblings” every Thursday he tells me worse things about who he hurts about what he wants to do. He begins to hit me I take it each time open slaps to face. He asks me about my life calling me out on each lie. He knows more than he should he knows my name my family's names he asks about the kids now. He knows about j. He asks what if I want anything done about it he tells me he knows some people who would get rid of him, for the right price I always decline he asks is nala still wants that pony she pointed out in in store he asks me what size are D’s clothes. As summer fades to fall and fall to winter every thursday spent with him on my knees waiting for 4 in the morning. Some night he shows me pictures. Blonde little girls bruised necks and bruised cheeks. I can't look in the mirror any more my pale cheeks bruised constantly.

Winter comes around Christmas comes mister pays well so do I. Psycho notices us being followed. He asks me if I want to just go to his house I agree. Its just a small trailer house and he pulls out blankets and sets them out on the couch laying them all out nearly he nods and I lay down he says he will wake me up and take me home by six but that I need sleep As i have school in the morning. I thank him and quickly fall into the deepest sleep I had been in in months. It was short but nice psycho stayed by my side the whole night. The next morning I wake up at home to my step siblings getting ready for school. Nala says “dada is still sleeping you're waking him up” I nod still completely confused not knowing how nor why i was home. I fell asleep at psychos. I tell nala i will when I get ready and go to The bathroom taking my bag with me. Psycho left a message saying he just carried me in he knew my pattern well enough not to disturb anyone. See you Monday kid…. Call me if you need me”

There is another from mister. “Why didn't you go home tonight?”

I dress leaving my hair in the French braid.