Its all a joke

Its all a joke part 1!

Soft hearted are very rare too find because,  they fall in love and get thier heart broken,  so their walls go up, and the more thier heat breaks the more the walls go up until the only thing they have left of thier heart is a pea sized half ass beating heart, all the broken peices lay there at the bottom of what seems like a well with how high she has built her walls. Then here comes a person promising to fix her heart, so her heart is almost complete again then, suprise suprise, this person breaks her even lower than before. Now instead of pea sized, its the size of a mustard seed.  She doesn't know what to believe,  so she doesn't belive anything. All the promises, all the hopes, and plans,.... She wants too,  but she can't believe a word.  The one person that is supposed to be there for her is more there for everyone else than her, and that makes her walls go even higher. Now someone wants to be there for her more than anything, and all she can do is push them away, that's all she can do with anyone now is push them away, she can't risk anyone hurting her again she is too fragile right now. She has a week spot for one person, the one person she gave the power to destroy her too,  and all it takes is one hurtful thing, then she ends up swallowing 63 pills hoping that she would die this time, praying that she would! She made sure she knew what she was taking and she made sure that it could kill her,  but as many times as she has tried it would never work but 63 pills had to work, she died in the ambulance,  thanking god as she did, only to awake in a hospital!  She was so furious! All she wanted was to end the pain! But no, they just had to bring her back pump her stomach and leave her to deal with her broken heart,... She is now blocking everyone that cares anything for her completly out.  She can't keep this up forever but she knows that love, real,true,  honest,  love doesn't exist. so she is going to bury herself so deep inside of herself that no one can ever hurt her again! She will still go through the motions say I love you too and all that nice shit back, but little will they know she is so deep inside herself, trying with evening to protect what is left of her heart, that she will not let anyone in! She is going to train herself once again to just go through the motions and rely soley on herself, might take time,  but I guess that's better than yet another suicide.  She will always love her, she just can't get hurt again. Until she is ready ie the person she loves is ready, she will remain in hiding.