Sinking

TW: Abuse, depression, suicide

Note: You's name is changed to Yô so it isn't confused with the word "you."

...

Kanan's POV:

(6 years old)

"Well, from what we've been hearing and seeing, it appears that your daughter has depression. I've written a prescription for some antidepressants. You can fill them out before you leave." The therapist told my parents.

I didn't understand what she was saying. I have depression? I don't know what that is. And what are those weird words? Anti-what?

"Mommy, what was she talking about?" I asked as we walked out of the therapist's office.

"You feel sad. She thinks these pills will stop that. You don't need them. You can be happy if you try." Mom snapped at me.

Those pills will make me happy again? But why won't mom let me take them? She knows I can't be happy on my own. That's why she brought me here.

"Can I at least try one?" I begged.

Mom sighed, before smiling at me, "Yes. Just one. I bet you'll hate them and never want to take them again."

So that's what we did. I took one when we got home. It didn't taste bad. And after a few hours, I actually was able to have the energy to do the things I used to love to do.

But, by the next morning, I was back to being depressed as I guess it is called. I tried to sneak in another pill. Mom caught me, though.

"You aren't taking them." She stated, smacking me.

"B-but..." I wanted to protest, but she wasn't listening.

She started beating me and telling me how horrible I was for taking them. I was too scared to tell her they made me better.

...

(In the middle of Aqours school year)

"Alright. That's it for today. Get rested up for tomorrow. We'll be practicing harder." Dia-san ended our practice session.

As soon as she finished, Mari-chan hopped over to me, "What are you going to do now?"

"Uh... I was considering going out into the ocean for a swim." I told her.

Mari-chan pouted, "Don't ya wanna hang out with me?"

"I thought you were going shopping with Yô-chan." I reminded her.

"You could come too, you know. You're always in the ocean. Can't you for once socialize with us afterhours?" Mari-chan kept on pouting.

I let out a small chuckle, "Alright, alright. I'll go with you."

Mari-chan smiled and went to tell Yô-chan that I would be joining them. I didn't want to, but I knew she wouldn't stop nagging me until I said yes.

I had lied about what I was going to do after school. I was planning to just crawl into my bed for a few hours and then maybe be a little productive. My depression hasn't improved. It's still the same as it's been since I was a child.

Of course, none of them know about it. I just learned how to put on a smile and pretend. Aqours is one of the only things I enjoy in life. When we're together, I feel better. I feel able to do anything as long as I have their support.

I dread the end of the school year. I don't know if I can hold on without them. But, I can't let them know. I don't want them to hate me for being so selfish.