Random Short Stories with OCS

2. A Panicked Monologue

Him. Why is he all I can think about? I wondered, completely clueless as to why I couldn't get my mind off of Theo. God, why can I only just picture him? His hair, god it's so nice. It looks messy but yet at the same time he pulls it off with an intentional look. His dimples, they rarely ever show but when they do the world just lights up. And then his eyes......his. Eyes.

My train of thought was interrupted by one question. A panicked question, one I did not want to answer. Am I gay? My mind raced.

I can't be. No no no. Of course I'm not gay. I've dated girls before! But....I always thought of them to be more of friends than girlfriends, even when I was dating them...Am I gay? Oh fuck am I? I thought, panicked.

I'm......gay. NO. No, I can't be. I can't. I just, I can't. Everyone will kill me if I'm gay. Look at what happened with Ricky. I don't want to get beaten to a pulp or become a social outcast. I can't be gay, I just...I can't.

But Theo though. He just....he's just him and. Wow. I just, god I'm screwed aren't I? Why do I like him? Why can't I just like Willow or Quinn? Or any girl in general? Why why why?

I know why, I know that I know why. It's because I'm....that. I'm....gay. I'm...gay. I'm..gay.

"I'm gay," I whispered out loud, a wave of realization washed over me. Everything in my life kind of made a little more sense. Why I didn't usually get "normal" crushes. Why I was single even though all my friends had girlfriends. Why I was...me.

"I'm gay," I said slightly louder. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. Like I had been hiding something all my life, even though I didn't even know. Like now.....I was me.

"I am gay. I'm gay." I laughed, "I'm gay! I'm gay and I'm in love with my best friend!"Then another panicked realization came to me, "Oh shit. I am in love with my best friend. What am I going to do?"

I could just like not tell him. But then I'd suffer with a probably never ending crush. I could tell him that I like him....but then I could lose him. I could just wait...I'm going to wait. But not wait for all of it. I pulled out my phone, He's my best friend. I want to tell him that I'm gay. He's the closest person in my life, he deserves to know.

Me: Hey Theo

Theo: Hey what's up?

Me: Can i tell you something?

Theo: Go ahead

Me: I'm gay

He read the message but I didn't see him start to type, Oh god. Oh no oh no oh no. I'm screwed. He hates me, he definitely hates me. Oh no, shit fuck oh god. I fucked up, I have majorly fucked up. He's going to out me, I'm going to be- My train of panicked thoughts were interrupted by my phone buzzing.

Theo: Rlly?! Me too!

Me: Wait what

Theo: I'm gay too

Me: You are?! Like youre not just screwing with me?

Theo: Dude. Believe me, I am 10000000% gay

Me: Awesome

My face lit up into a grin, I have a chance.