As I was maturing into a person I could be hopeful for I looked at myself in utter disgust I wasn't worth love and that if I was I would have given it. From me sleeping into my mom floor to me being placed in foster care, to living with my moms friends it was hard a first but I just had to go with it.
That was until my mom found a boyfriend his name was Keith he was great at first and then turned to alcohol to fix his problems. He had 3 kids that were full of shit like him. I remember watching scooby doo late at night one day he drank so much that he put us all in hell. He grabbed my brother by his collar and forced him against a wall, he proceeded to slam him into his bed.
I was next he was seething with anger he ran towards me and started choking me out my mom went after him which he let go of me in the process. I was small enough to fit behind the book shelf we had so I slipped behind it, I waited there until he found me we started go I'll ng at it until alc hi ole was thrown around and I was passed out.
After that night we packed out stuff and left never looking back. At this point we had know where to go so we had no choice but to move back in with my dad. I swear ever since I was born life has had it out for me, my mom didn't was us there so we were with my grandma and a few foster kids I was around 8 or 9. A foster kid I met was 17 well just say his name is Tyler anyways Tyler proceed to get me into his bedroom everyday and rape me. I was more that a one time occurence it and everyday battle, rape is common in the family I didn't know it was wrong no one told me it shouldn't have happened.
He committed suicide no to long after the last time he did it. We stayed there for little over a year and I went back with my mom. I believe I was around 10 almost 11 when my mom was a t work. My dad proceeded to come down stairs grab a knife and tried to hide it. I was frantically telling my brother we got to him before he was all the way up the stairs. I called the police my.mom was called of of work and rushed home it was hard on everyone, he did it because his baby brother was murdered saving his wife. Shit happens.
At a young age I developed PTSD, and Mild Depression. My grandpa's was starting to get sick no one could help him though we did everything possible. My Aunt couldn't live anymore and took her life It was the beginning of 6 grade when she rented a gun sat a park and proceeded to kill herself. Don't worry I'll save you gruesome details. Not long after that my grandpa passed he died a painless and happy death.
It was the middle of 6th grade when my mom and dad got so bad the missed my birthday and were locked up in jail. I lived with my grandma for a year and a half. I kept to myself, stopped eating, and became severely depressed. But no one knew the pain I was going through because I laughed it off. It was my sister's birthday she was turning 3 or 4 not sure. But I was jealous of the attention because where was she at on my birthday. I cussed my mom out and 5 days later she died. I blamed my self ever since because I was the one that caused it. I didn't talk to anyone, I was loosing weight significantly. I was out of it I was cutting on the daily.
I was sent to a mental hospital and was diagnosed with MDD, PTSD, Severe generalized anxiety, and OCD as well. It was a lot everything was fine until I relapsed and started cutting again not my proudest moments.
Until Next Chapter See you there.💜 Remember to smile even if you are going through something- Alex
