Piles of boxes stacked above each other, Leon and I moving them from the house to my car. There was a sense of melancholy in the air, that sense growing stronger and stronger with every box that was placed into the car. It was dawn, slightly chilly, the new sun making it easier not having to see the heartbreak on Leon's face.
The last box labeled "important" was placed into the trunk. Wiping the sweat off my brow, I turned around and made my way back inside. Saying goodbye was always the hardest part, no matter what the scenario may be.
Entering the kitchen, I saw that Mom had packed a cooler full of snacks for the road. Her familiar figure leaning against the counter, graying brown hair cascading down her shoulders. Tears welled up in her eyes as we walked towards each other with open arms.
With a deep inhale, I made myself remember the familiar scent of her hair. She refused to use anything but the cheapest shampoo and its matching conditioner, her favorite was Strawberries and Cream. I always hated it. But right now, I wanted to buy out the entire store just for that stupid smell.
"Please drive safe. Call me at every stop and call me when you get there" Mom pulled away, a single tear falling from her sun-damaged cheeks.
"Will do, Mom" I nodded, pulling her in one last time.
"Peanut butter and jelly's" Mom grabbed the cooler and held it in front of me.
"With the crusts cut off?"
"With the crusts cut off"
I held her hand as I grabbed the cooler, admiring the warmth of her palm before mouthing a choked up, "I love you". Mom's head nudged towards the door, both of us knowing that Leon was still waiting out there.
The sun had fully risen by now. Leon leaned against the car, arms folded over his chest. Looking up from the ground, I couldn't help but notice how dull his eyes seemed as I walked towards him. After setting down the cooler in the passenger seat, Leon and I walked around to the driver's side without a spoken word between us. Both of us were trying to find the right thing to say as I leaned against the cold metal, arms folded over my chest.
"I-"
"I-"
We interjected each other, sharing another tense, melancholic silence between us. It was weird, really. The birds chirping, sunshine all around us, the trees various shades of yellow, orange, and brown. Everything was so beautiful, yet, everything felt so... sad. I knew that this wasn't goodbye, simply a see you later- but it still didn't make this any less heartbreaking.
With no coherent sentences able to be said, Leon pulled me into his arms. Everything up to this point was a ticking time bomb, and the second the sensation of Leon's familiar form wrapping around me, I detonated into a mess of tears. Just like with Mom, I took in Leon's scent- Mahogany Teakwood, leather, and fabric softener. It was home. Warmth. Safety. Love.
"You're gonna be an amazing cop, Leon" I could barely speak through the lump in my throat. He pulled me in tighter, the sensation of warm tears falling against my shoulders causing my heart to shatter into a million tiny pieces.
"You're gonna change the world, Elizabeth" Leon pulled away, eyes red and swollen with tears.
I will never forget the feeling of my thumbs wiping tears off Leon's face, his stubble causing friction against each other's skin. Hands cupped against either side of his jaw as I took in every last one of his features. Leon's face always swelled up in the slightest bit when he cried, it always has, even when he was a kid. He would always try to hold back the tears. But when Leon expressed emotion, it was like chucking paint onto a canvas and using nothing but raw passion as his brush.
Leon took my hands in his, slightly shaking as he tried to suppress the lump in his throat before struggling to form coherent sentences.
"I love you so fucking much, Ruth"
"I love you when you're screaming the lyrics to a song that I hate. I love you when you're hunched over your computer, glasses barely hanging on to your nose. I love you when you have your face in the newspaper. I love you when you pour your heart to anything and everything you do. I love you when you fall asleep on my chest. I love you when you wake up and drag me to Jack's. I love you when your face is behind the camera. I love you when you're waiting for that picture to develop. I. Love. You"
In my 19 years of knowing Leon, I've never seen him pour his heart out like this. All I could do was listen. Listen to the heartbreak and passion in his voice, listen to all the things he loved- all the things he loved about me. He loved me. I mean, he really loved me. And I love him.
That last kiss held so many emotions that I cannot even begin to put into words. It was art. Poetry. Passion. Melancholy. Heartbreak. It was everything we couldn't say.
"I'll see you later, Leon"
"See you soon, Ruth"
