Trapped With Him

Chapter 16: Cheers to hope

Sunday, 10:30 p.m.

The time went by painfully slow. It's been days since James spilled out everything about him changing and never letting me go. He also kind of showed it. Since I came home, he didn't go out. Instead, he tried spending time with me, buying me gifts and respecting my choices. You could say I took advantage of that, I told him it would be good if he went out and celebrated somewhere else and that I needed to be alone this night. Surprisingly, he did as I said and decided to go and celebrate with his family.

I, on the other side, have been sitting by this window for hours now, just staring at the sky and the small glitter dots, representing stars. I was ❜celebrating❜ New Year's alone. I wasn't completely alone, I had a vodka bottle lying in my hand, and when it hit midnight, I would let loose and numb my mind. Even if it was for just for a while.

James tried to convince me to spend New Year's with him or together with him and his family, but he respected my choice. Lorenzo texted me almost every day. He wanted to let me know that he still thought of me. He even offered me to follow him to Atlanta and celebrate with his family. It was really a kind and thoughtful offer. But I declined it. I haven't heard from Tasha since wednesday. We usually talk on the phone quite often, I even texted her that James was gone for the night.

I looked at the bottle in my hand again. The red label on it hypnotized my eyes, making me more and more eager to open it. I never wanted to numb my feelings with any kinds of drugs, including alcohol. But seeing James do it, how he just lets loose and takes a break from everything after the alcohol passes his throat, intrigued me. I had a rough couple of days, or a rough couple of years, that I felt like I deserved a pause. I couldn't lie that I would feel a little guilty afterwards, when I can just put aside this bottle and just don't do it. It sounded easy, didn't it?
Just put it aside, do something else, meet up with someone, celebrate like others do.

The truth was: I could put it aside. I could put it back on the shelf. I could even throw it or smash it into a million pieces. I was never dependent on alcohol. But I was dependent on James. I still am. And if this could make me take a break, even for a little while, on New Year's Eve, I'd do it.

Was I a coward for trying to put my miserable feelings aside? Some may consider it so. But if you had been feeling stuck, locked up, imprisoned and trapped for several years, that begin to feel like decades, and you have tried so much and it just feels like you can't do anything more, wouldn't you want to take a break? I can say, I would love to.

There were just two hours left till a new year started. Would it be another lengthy chapter, or perhaps one filled with adventures and news? Or would it be a happy, or sad ending? Maybe, it would be a whole new story? I was just playing with my thoughts. But soon, I wasn't alone with my thoughts.

The loud knock on the door made me look at the door and reconsider if I should go and open it. I continued sitting by the window and ignored it instead. But the knocking went on. I sat up, not even minding to put down the alcohol, but going towards the door with the bottle in my hand.

❞Surprise!❞

She really got me surprised. I thought I would be here alone for a longer while, but now I had company. It wasn't just any company, it was my best friend, the one and only Tasha. She wore black, glittery shorts, blinking with every move she took. Her top consisted of silver, blue and black glitter, matching with her glittery eyeshadows that were the same colors. She looked like she just finished her work for today.