A-
You're probably wondering now, why are you writing me a letter? Well my answer is, why not? I'm a free person now who will no long say or do as you want me to. Just keep reading, you'll know why soon. I think you deserve a reason for my departure. I would want a reason if somebody decided to leave my life all of a sudden. Every human capable of feeling would. No, you don't fall under the category of human. You are FAR from that.
Enough talking about dramatic openings, let's talk a little about the star of this letter. YOU. As in the monster who deprived me of sleep at night, the reason why I was never happy and feeling like I didn't have something that everyone else had. That something was a life. Which I was never able to obtain while being with you. I still can't make sense of how I was pulled to you. I missed having friends, I really do. I missed making friends and not having to feel uncomfortable around them because you were dragging my self-confidence down. I honestly despise you. There, I said it plain and bold. Bolder than a mozzarella cheese stick being dunked in jelly. Bolder than rainbow sprinkles on top of a low calorie salad. (That actually sounds kind of cool; I think I'm going to try that after I'm done writing this letter.) (I'm not watching the calories I consume anymore, yesterday I ate a cheeseburger with onion rings, and a large chocolate shake, all to myself.) (Is it even okay to use this double-triple parenthesis while writing?)
I don't want to be anywhere near you. In fact, I don't want to have any memories with you. We were always clinging to each other. As if someone was going to swoop one of us up and take them away. Hmm, well I guess someone actually did. But you don't care. Of course not, you're a selfish monster who only cares about yourself and your needs. By the way, according to Merriam-Webster dictionary you are defined as a monster: 'An imaginary creature that is typically large, ugly, and frightening'. Ha! Frightening! That is the biggest understatement of 2014! And that's not the only thing wrong with the definition. You are not an imaginary creature. You are all too real. You even lived inside my head, my heart, my thoughts, you lived in ME. You lived in me, feeding off my weaknesses, and jabbed at them until they were a bigger problem than they ever were in the first place. It seems like the more I feel unhappy, the stronger you get. Only sadistic people feed off the weaknesses of others, you know.
You deceived me; you came into my life like a relief pill and made me feel temporary happiness when I was around you. You seemed inviting and gentle; sympathetic even. You welcomed me into your arms of hell and from there you slowly started attacking me. It started small. A few red flags went up. Then you became worse. You were lying to me, and controlling me. Not only were things physically abusive, but also emotionally and mentally. You stabbed me behind my back, and when I realized you weren't just another kind person in this world, it was too late. You had a certain beauty that I should have realized from the start was so fake, so unnatural. I can't believe I trusted you with everything. I can't believe you shredded my life apart, piece by piece until I was left with nothing but myself. I didn't even have my own shadow to keep me company; it left me when I was in the darkness. Everybody left me. I was completely alone, all thanks to you. I'm never making the same mistake again. I have learned the hard way that sometimes people aren't what they seem to be. They're like onions; with layers and layers of secrets that you can only see with tears in your eyes.
While others were spoiling and showering their girls with compliments like, "you look beautiful today" or "did I ever tell you how much you mean to me", you were much too busy pestering me, telling me how worthless I was. Only to come back, apologize, and make up some pathetic excuse that only added to the list of lies. And don't try to defend yourself saying we had our good times, dancing and laughing, because those were such confusing times. They were slow, painful dances that pulled and tugged me around, shoving me into a darkness that collapsed my dreams like a broken prayer. You ruined me, destroyed me. And I accepted that, but not anymore.
Today is the day that I take a stand for myself. Today I am no longer your property. You do not own me. I own myself and am free to choose what life I want to live. And I already chose. I want to live a life without you. In fact, I never want you to cross my mind, ever again. And I swear if you do, I will just plop down on the couch with a bucket of ice cream and watch a movie. Like White Chicks. And forget about you once more. Not that it will ever have to get to that point. So this is it I guess. It's time for me to go down my road, and time for you to find a new, poor, unfortunate soul to prey on. This must be one of the worst break-ups in the world. But that's how break-ups are. Hurts like hell, but you eventually get over it. I would say goodbye, but that sounds too casual and cliché, like something a wife says to her husband when he goes to pick up some groceries. Hmm, how to end this... I got it! How about with something we always used to do, send each other meaningful quotes and song lyrics. But why don't I end with a quote from a band that you despise. And to be honest, I probably liked them, only to drive you insane.
"My love for you was bulletproof, but you're the one who shot me."
But of course, I could never end this with a quote like that, because that quote is referring to my feelings, and those have never meant much to you. So I will leave you with this.
"I'll soon forget the color of your eyes, and you'll forget mine."
Sincerely,
Shauna Welch
