The pretty boy's guilty pleasure // Jelix

She's pretty

Walking through campus, Sean feels like everyone is looking at him. Like everyone knows his dirty secret.

"You fucking Homo." He hears people say.

The party happened on a Saturday and today is Monday and he has not spoken to Felix. Marzia has called him   to check in on him, apparently Felix told them that Sean was sick and had to leave.

Maybe He should tell Marzia what really happened, he knows that Marzia would never tell anyone but he can't bring himself to do it.

Classes go by very slow and Sean can't stop himself from worrying what if the teachers know he had been drinking and even worse, that he kissed another boy.

"Sean are you alright?"  Prof. Green asks.

Sean looks up from his paper, "Yeah, I'm fine maybe a little tired that's all."

"Okay, well keep on doing what you're  doing. You have fantastic grades."

Sean simply nods thinking about what would happen if he would yell at her that he'd kissed a boy.

After class he walks along campus. With out even noticing it he's infront of Felix's dorm room.

He needs to talk to him.
He wants to see him.

He finally knocks after standing there for twenty minutes deciding in what to say but as soon as the knock hits the door his mind goes blank.

'Fuckfuckfuckfuck' repeats in his mind, what the hell was he doing.

The door opens and a girl Sean has never seen before walks out. Felix then appears at the door.

He doesn't say anything, he waits for Sean to talk.

"Hey Felix" Sean almost mumbles like his face went numb.

Who's the girl? Is he with a girl? How? They kissed one day ago and now he's with a girl! Great, of course.

Felix looks blankily at Sean.

"Can I come in?" Sean asks. Felix nods and they get inside.

Sean sits on his desk. He s wearing a oversized black t shirt, his blonde hair messy.

"She-she's pretty" Sean starts avoiding looking at the other boy.

"What do you want Sean." Felix cuts him off cold.

"I just came here to say that-um, what happened the other day was-" a rush of courage goes over Sean. He should just tell him how he feels, maybe they can talk it out.

"A mistake, I know." Again, Felix responds cold.

Sean looks up and meets with Felix's eyes, they have never felt this cold.

"Yeah-Yeah that's what I was going to say." Sean pauses for a second but continues when Felix breaks the eye contact and looks down. "I was drunk and yeah whatever at least it's clear now." Sean swallows as his eyes start to irritated him, trying his best to prevent his eyes from tearing up.

"Great." Again with the brooding attitude, like when they first met.

Sean feels hurt by the way Felix is acting, so he lashes out.

"A  horrible mistake."

But no response from Felix. He has no affect on him. Why does this have to be like this. Why didn't Felix fight for Sean. Possibly because Felix doesn't feel the same way as Sean.

"Whatever", Sean turns around and leaves, slaming the door as hard as he  can. "Piece of shit!" He mumbles to himself on the way out.

Sean wants to scream, wondering what the he'll happened back there. His eyes becomes watery. He wipes them away violently getting so frustrated that he hits himself.

Realizing that he's in public he hurries home.

Fuck Felix, fuck him so much! What is wrong with Sean thinking that he's generally a good person. No he's definitely not. Just a terrible and cold person that earth is wasting oxygen on.

Sean burst out in tears. He wants to cry in Felix's arms.

"A horrible mistake."

Felix turns around and kicks his desk. Taking his lamp and throwing it into the wall. It smashes in pieces and falls to the ground.

How dare he say that. It was him that left Felix alone in the pool.

"I'm sorry."

And then he doesn't contact him. Sean owes Felix a fucking apology. He had to lie to Marzia that Sean felt sick and needed to go home.

Everyone passed out in the livingroom and Felix just sat there, replaying in his mind what had happened and when did it go wrong.

Why does this feel like a heartbreak?