Red Light Compulsion

part 1; the beginning

What do you think it was? I would ask myself this same question when I thought about the way we exchanged such a formidable glance, stood on the street corner of Amsterdam. Almere to be exact. It was such a remarkable and simple place until my eyes met yours and suddenly I could no longer ground my senses. Left was right and the north was south, even cold was hot. Every second without you was a second closer to death and every second with you was an eternity of youth and innocence.

I know you might be wondering how such a small moment can be so significant to someone; the answer is very complicated and in all honesty, I couldn't explain it to you if I tried.

You wouldn't understand until you have experienced such an authoritative yet deceptive feeling from one individual that you had never had the courage to lay eyes on before that exact moment.

The beginning of the end is what I call our first encounter. It was a late winter's night and I decided to arm myself with the essentials. These being: a long-sleeved cotton t-shirt, a fluffy jumper, a hat, matching scarf and finally last but not least, my 80's vintage windbreaker that I had managed to obtain from a charity shop down the road from my little apartment.

I had come to the conclusion that I needed to clear my head after a long day of dodging everyone in the office after what had happened between Jack and me in the cleaning cupboard last week.

There was always something between Jack and I but it was never something I could call love because of the ways he had chosen not to treat me in and out of work, he had always chosen to treat me like I was inferior.

I opened the heavy wooden door at the bottom of the apartment and poked my leg out. The cold hit me like a 10-tonne truck, making me feel not only paralyzed but vulnerable, I really needed this walk so one foot in front of the other, finally I felt myself pacing through the icy cold wind able to think and breathe once again.

I felt whole again and nothing was going to stop me from clearing my head after such a long day; well except you.

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Every step felt more confusing, my eyes drifted towards the ground to be shielded from the harsh weather. Walking with my head down, I heard a manly voice getting progressively louder. Suddenly, a call from behind me.

"Excuse me miss", He exclaimed.

But I continued to walk as the voice was unrecognizable to my memory and I. The voice was getting closer and before I knew it I could feel his breath on my neck as I hear a soft and comforting

"I think you may have dropped your scarf".

I spin around to be greeted with a tall yet mysterious man. The butterflies began as I stuttered my name back at him whilst looking deeply into his dark yet light eyes. He replies with:

"Well miss, look after your scarf more carefully or it will run away again".

Followed by an enticing smirk. The outside now felt a million degrees hotter and my cheeks were now the same shade as my favorite 'ravishing red' lipstick that I happened to be wearing on such an unpredictable occasion.

The whole walk home my body was tingling not only with happiness but fear too, the sky was now also a shade of red similar to my lip color but tainted with a hint of darkness and inevitability. I loved it and the feeling he gave me.

Eventually, I reached my apartment after what felt like the longest, yet shortest walk of my existence and the inside of my apartment felt like a great big hug of warmth, yet somehow I preferred being outside with the confusion and uncertainty you did something to me that no one else did and I can't be without it, without you.