As i stood in front of the bathroom mirror, I pondered. I pondered if this is what it would feel like to wear his sweatshirt. If this is what it would feel like to have his dauntless presence near me, and my aching body. As I lay looking at the endless nothing of my eyelids, I questioned if this is what I would feel like if i was confident in myself, and in the love he presented me on a silver platter with nothing but an apple on it. I felt as if I was eve. If I were take a bite, I'd not only curse all humanity, but myself, to hell. Clearly what I feel inside my chest, brings me to the awareness that I'm there. I'm in hell and nowhere else. Hell isn't always made up of your surroundings. Inside my mind and body lives a personal pit of darkness. Where fire causes my limbs to ache with want, my mind to be cluttered by demons. They bite into every insecurity, every doubt. He doesn't love me. I don't love myself. So who does then? The demons tend to have days where they shed their skin and build new stakes into my brain every so often. Where I'd rather be. I'd rather be in 1980's north Italy. Calling out to you in your heaven as Elio called out to Oliver as a sign of reassurance. I want you to feel like home. Be yours too. An apricot.
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Sonder and Wonder
PoetryA collection of poetry, with the first one being written at 16, and so on, with life experiences , come new poems. (Sonder - the realization that those around you have a life as complex as your own. )
