zero ; l.h.

him

luke's heart ached each time he listened to one of noelle's voicemails or read one of her texts.

the pain in his chest made him wish he had stepped off of the roof, rather than back onto it. dying would hurt a lot less than hearing her broken pleas on the other end of the phone. and it would certainly hurt less than not responding to them.

maybe he was a jerk for doing this to her. maybe he was a good person for trying to give her the leeway to get over him. either way, no matter how he looked at it, all it did was make him sad.

four months brought a lot of change for luke, in spite of it all. he moved away from queensdale, and ultimately, from all the memories they'd made.

the irwins gladly took him into their home, and he felt slightly better at the prospect of being surrounded by what he considered his family. nonetheless, the space in his heart that noelle had stolen was never filled again.

he liked to consider it reserved, just for her.

despite the 12,865 miles (he calculated) that separated him from noelle, he was still completely surrounded by her. at night, he could smell her beside him. when he took walks outside, he could hear her soft laughter and feel her hand in his.

it was like he'd lost a limb. it was gone, but he could still feel it there - almost as if it'd never been removed.

luke jolted as his phone began to vibrate beside him, the screen reading 'noelle xx'. his fingers itched to slide the green button and answer her call. they were practically burning to do so. but for her sake and his, he refrained from doing so, instead watching as the screen returned to normal.

it took a minute, but a notification popped up on the screen, telling him about a voicemail she left for him. this happened every time she called, and each time, his heart clenched harder than the last as he tried to get himself to delete it before he could hurt himself more.

as usual, luke gave in and listened to the voicemail anyways. this message was different than the others, though. she sounded like she was completely helpless and like she was crying as she spoke.

"..i'm kind of hoping that you can't either." one last sob sounded, then silence.

"fuck," luke muttered to himself, standing and slamming his fist into the wall.

pain shot up his hand and through his arm, but he could barely feel it. his breathing was heavy and his jaw was clenched to the point of breaking teeth.

ashton burst into his room, luke's fist still connected with the wall and his shoulders slumping in defeat. his friend shut the door and approached him cautiously, aware of his fragile state.

"you can't keep doing this to yourself, man," ashton placed a hand on his shoulder, prompting him to drop his arm, which he did. "this is doing you more bad than good."

"what do i do?" luke questioned pleadingly.

"talk to her," he suggested.

"no, ash. you know why i can't-"

"do you love her?"

luke paused, eyes wide. "what?"

"do you love her?"

"of course i do," his eyebrow crinkled. 

"then talk to her! luke, i get that you're trying to do the right thing in letting her go, but let's be real here," ashton crossed his arms knowingly. "noelle couldn't forget about you even if she tried, and vice versa. so why are you forcing this?"