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chapter three - Blast From The Past

Kara's POV - September 25th, 2019

So for the past week I've had evening shifts, Ben going home earlier than usual and Shawn's been coming around. Not that it's a bad thing, I just don't want Ben to jump to conclusions and thinks that I'm inlove with him. I'm in love with his voice, not him. I think

I'm currently at my dorm, just finishing up my assignment for my science course. I was looking into my education choice and it says if I wanna be a doctor, I have to have a a class, not an online course. For me to have more "hands on" education. I would, but I'm not ready. I can barely look at a broken foot. Yeah, I know what your thinking, why would you even want to in the first place if I couldn't handle something like blood? Trust me, I'm working on it. Even if I can work with babies my job would The the best job in the world. Getting to look at babies all day, meet them. We couldn't hold them though, only if we needed to clean them or if we needed to examine them(I read online). I think it's because the baby won't get confused on who the mother is. But then again the baby is formed in mum.

Maybe that's what I should be. A Pediatric Nurse. I love babies and helping people. It's like both of my worlds colliding.

Brenna comes through the door, breaking me from my thoughts. "Dom invited us to another get together. This time is to celebrate that he's not going back to school." she says, excitedly, putting bags onto her bed. "I Uhh, I can't come tonight" she stops whatever she's doing "why?...Brandon's been asking for you" she smirks, ugh. "Work" I simply say. I've been looking forward to work this week, seeing him, the music god himself.
"Gosh you've been working all the nights this past week, shouldn't they give you a break?" She stresses. If she only knew. "I-I asked for the extra hours, want to make more money." I shrug. She nods and goes back to whatever she was doing.

About an hr before I work, I decide to shower. I let the shower run for a while, letting it warm up then I step in, humming to Fallin All in You.

"Every time I see you baby I get lost,
"If I'm dreaming baby, please don't wake me up...every night I'm with you I fall more in love. Now I'm laying by your side. Everything feels right since you came along, I'm think baby you" I softly sing my heart out. No one in particular comes to mind. Except Alex.

I bet y'all are wondering who Alex is. Well get comfortable cause this is gonna be a story.

Well, I was 14 I think, when I met him, he's three years older than me. We were at a hockey game, my brothers were playing and his friends younger sibling was playing, I couldn't remember the gender. But I happened to bump into him, spilling coffee on him, I say sorry, we have a moment then he offers to buy my parents coffee. That's how my parents liked him so much. But we started talking, and god he respected me so much. But maybe after 4-5 months of talking and flirting we decide to become official. (I was 15 and he was 18) It was hard, with him in Montreal and me being here, but we managed. I saw him every couple months, we talked everyday, he made me feel special. Maybe half a year went by and we started having these intense arguments, like to the point where we'd sometimes cry. Well I did, he did too, I know he did. And we decided to take a break, thinking that it wasn't going to work. Maybe about two/three weeks went by and they were fucking horrible. He missed me and I missed him too but no matter how hard we tried, things couldn't be that simple.

We eventually ended up getting back together, missing each other like crazy. I felt complete again, like the hole in my heart was filled and part of my body came back to me. My negative seemed to fade away. Life was good. Things are going smoothly till Brad, Alex's teammate, snapchatted me one night. I was completely heartbroken, all over again. He was kissing some blonde chick and the fucking picture is still embedded into my brain, to this fucking day. The memories of us laughing together or even being together flooded my brain, like I was trying to make myself even more sad than I already was. It felt like my heart being ripped out. But me being me, I pretended I didn't know cause I still "loved" him, well what I thought was love.

And the most hurtful part was is that he acted like nothing happened! But I didn't let him off easy, I ignored him, pretending to say that I was busy. The. The crazy part is, is that he accused me of cheating! Yeah. Like WITH WHO? I only wanted him and only him, why couldn't it be vice versa?

We kept dating off and on for the next year and a half. But like I said, no matter how hard we tried, things couldn't be that simple. Then he got bored, got bored of loving me, making love to me, making the effort to even talk to me. Like I was the one putting all the effort into him. He dumped me and then that was it.

But the quote I kept reading was;

You're never going to forget him. You're always going to love the colour of he's eyes, and you're always going to search for someone with the same contagious laugh. You're going to have those nights when all the regret and pain comes rushing back. You're going to miss him with all of your heart.
but you're going to be okay

I don't know who it's by.

He tried talking to me whenever I posted selfies whenever my game was strong but I ignored him, well tried. I opened it and just kept saying simple things.

After maybe four/five months, i happened to be up in the middle of the night, well thinking about it, I didn't sleep at all, but anyways, he called me around 3-4 in the morning. He was crying and he had hiccups, I imagined in happening right in front of me, it was an awful picture. But he was heart broken. Me being the way i am, I helped him.

I hated myself for it but I love helping other people feel better.

But yeah, that was Alex and I. Crazy huh?

I get out of the shower, not really wanting to go to work.

Feeling whatever.

Why does this still bother me?

It's stupid.

But I head to work anyways, hoping to see Shawn again.