hiraeth

Dear...

you left.

you left before i could even understand what leaving was.

you left.

you were supposed to be there.

but you weren't.

you left.

you missed everything.

i couldn't even say goodbye.

i couldn't understand. 

i couldn't remember anything. 

i didn't know your name for fifteen years.

you left.

vanished.

disappeared.

six months old, not knowing why you left.

never knowing anything.

but you leaving.

finding out the man who i thought was my father all my life wasn't.

you were.

you left. 

he didn't.

he's my father.

you're the feeling of abandonment.

of wandering.

of questioning.

of searching.

you left.

and with you, you took my certainty.

i'll never know why.

i'll always be questioning. 

i'll always be afraid of being left,

never knowing.