A Typical One Sided Love Story

My #1 💔

He tall even with A LOT of pimples he still look dashing in a few ways. We started chatting about our college assignment and project. This is not the first sight love story loll what you guys expect. I am only sure about my feeling after a year.

We were actively chatting through the phone. Sometimes he annoy me, sometimes he made me laugh, we were good back then. He also likes to ask my opinion in a few personal matters. Once he asks me about his hairstyle, once he asks my opinion about his expenses.

Even he is a guy, but I seem tougher than him. Back then he always has a problem with his feelings about his friend. He always overthinking and always depend on me to settle his problem. I was his ears. I hear all his problems. Anxiety and depression always lingering in his mind. Once he messages me at 2 am just to tell that he felt useless and his friend starts to stay away from him. He really has that anxiety problem.

I never feel the burden, I like to be his ears and his shoulder to cry. I'm the person who likes to help people to love themselves. For me, self-love is important. I'm really okay with handling this type of person.

But after 2 years my feeling started to change. Before this, I more use the word "I like" but then I often to use "I love". To be more clear, I love chatting with him, I love giving him my opinion. I love. I'm in love with my friend.

I started to give some clue many hints that I like him, but then he is too dumb to understand my feeling towards him. Too many attempts I made until one day I started to think "oh this boy doesn't have any feeling toward me" and I suggest that I should end it here. But my heart doesn't want to have an agreement with my heart. I kept messaging him but this feeling is becoming more and heavier. Until at one point I cant hold by myself.

One day he told me about the type of girl that he likes. A sweet girl and he named a colleague that posses that kind of attitude. I'm mad. I'm jealous but I can't show it. I just ignore him for a week. My heart was broken into pieces. I started to overthink. "Oh, he just becomes my friend to use me". I can't help it. My brain wants to leave him but at the same time, my heart wants to give him chances. I stuck in between.

One week I ignore him. He kept messaging me. "Are you okay?" "You sick?" "Cheer up my friend". I just ignore without giving any reply. I'm mad. Why he still didn't get my message. I'm jealous because I love you. I succeed to ignore him for 2 weeks.

I started to Whatsapp him after I saw his update. He's not feeling good, I'm worried. I ask him to take all those necessary meds and a lot of rest. He told me that he felt grateful because I'm back and he confesses that he made the update because to summons me back. Lol crush.lol.

Even he said that I still feel burden I really want to tell me my feeling but I too scared about the consequences. Again I started to ignore him and he kept messaging me and at one point I couldn't help it anymore and I decided to ask him "did you just be my friend to use me" he got mad and until today I didn't get his answer.

A month passed and I didn't saw his update until that day. "When will you come to me back". Like dude after 1 month, I didn't see his update I really sure that update is for me and at that time I had fixed my mind " I should confess".

I wrote a long message. I told him that I started to overthink because started to develop a special feeling. As I expected its one-sided love. I asked to end our friendship because it will not be the same anymore. He agreed without objection. I felt a bit sad because he agreed to that without objection." I respect your decision".

After I confessed my feels, I felt that the burden in my heart flew away. Wanted to cry but I can't cry. I ended up watching some sad movies and cry.

I still love him. It's hard to move on. Its typical one-sided love story but this is my story. I hope that he lives well. End of my first crush story and It's sad I can't differentiate between love and kindness.