My stomach tightened once I was done regurgitating the small portion of food I was allowed to eat.
I've lost 17 pound so far, meaning I'm at 106 pounds. Undoubtedly underweight but I still have more to go. Honestly i don't miss food that much. The coke they feed me usually keeps my mind off of it.
It's been nearly four months since tour ended and since I've physically seen my boyfriend, Paris Vasquez.
I've lost contact with him for a couple days since I've been working non stop and my phone is mia. I'd do anything to hear him at the moment anything. I'd trade in this horrid life style just to run back into his arms, but I feel obliged to stay here.
And tbh I kind of don't want him to see me. I am completely dependent on the drugs and my god am i gaunt.
Also I don't know if you've seen my titts by they're gone. Cut off at the doctor because they were too big according to Stacy's dad.
I'm not mad or upset about it because I've honestly been wanting a breast reduction but I haven't told Paris and I feel like that's something I should tell him but I don't want to hear his reaction.
Oh what have I done.
Stacy's dad, Mark, assigned me a personal assistant named Meg. She honestly a horrible person. She the one who got me hooked on the coke.
She began by putting it in my drink and shit. Now I can't go a couple hours without inhaling the blow.
Speaking of the devil she's banging on the door.
"Cameron! Get out you have a shoot in an hour! You have to get ready!" She yelled and pounded.
I swing open the door and get in her face. "You think I don't know that shit Meg. Shut the fuck up and get out of my way." I pushed past her and went over to "my" vanity.
Stacy's dad let me stay in one of his private lofts and it's luxurious. I was supposed to stay with Stacy but she's in the hospital. Her kidney is failing and I'm not a suitable match. But I miss her like crazy. If she was here she'd be my personal assistant not this witch meg.
I get up without warning and head downstairs to met with my Uber. Meg follows texting away.
"You have to make an appearance."
"When I Asked overall nonchalantly.
"Tonight. Savage Fenty, for Rihanna." I continued to be unbothered but in the inside I was fangirling.
Rih Rih's lingerie line party. I was invited ?? Holy shit.
Oh yeah, forgot to mention how much I've popped off. The day after my surgery mark out me on the Balmain cover. Paris posted it, 21, and post put me on their Platforms. Then from there I got hundreds of thousands of followers, within three days.
Trippie Red, Matt Ox, and hella other cool artist followed me and shit. Matt Ox being my favorite. Yeah I don't even understand all the hype and all the recognition only made my modeling career better.
You know they pay attention to that shit. Like the amount of followers I have can help me beat other girls for the job.
Yeah well that was about a week ago. I'm at one million followers now. Even Kendall Jenner follows me. I honestly haven't even been on my instagram in a while. Meg usually controls it. She takes pictures of me and she posts them. The only decision I make are the captions to said pictures. I'm cool with it though Meg knows what the fuck she's doing.
Anyways I got a shoot to kill talk to ya later.
PARIS
It's been so hard without Cameron here. But why the fuck hasn't she called or at least fucking texted me.
I know she's the busiest she's been in all her life but she's posting pictures on Instagram and she won't return a text.
My life has been so fucked up lately. Not music wise, I'm actually popping off. But yesterday one of my best friends, Bris, told me she loved me and then kissed me.
...and I kissed her back. I didn't mean to, I was drunk, and I honestly thought I was kissing Cameron for a second. But still i should not have been drinking.
I'd tell Cameron but she's too famous for me now. I just hope she remembers me from time to time.
As for Bris, she flew back to New York for a party hosted by Rihanna. I never knew she had those types of feeling for me, I'm usually pretty bad at picking shit like that up. But she assured me that she's had some crush on me since we met.
At the moment I don't feel the same way towards her. I really miss Cameron.
And I don't want to hurt her feeling or anything but she might've caught the wrong idea when I kissed her back.
So I should text her right.
Me: aye bris
Bris🌶: Hey pariss 💖
Me: hey, we gotta tlk about yesterday...
Bris🌶: oh yeah, it was a good day. ur such a good kisser
Me: yeah well I have a girlfriend...
and tbh I was really drunk and didn't mean to kiss back
I still adore you as friend tho, and I don't want to mess anything up
Bris🌶: from what I hear you haven't had a girlfriend in weeks, and u kissed me back that has to mean something
u tellin me u didn't feel what I felt ??
Me: bris don't
Bris🌶: whatever, next time I pour my heart out to you don't fucking kiss me
She did what I asked her not to. She messed it up. I wish that never happened.
1.am
I had to piss because I still haven't stopped drinking.
"Your phones been going off like crazy." Brian brought it to my attention.
I picked it up off the floor and unplugged it from the charger.
My heart stop beating when I saw who had been blowing up my phone.
5 missed calls
17 texts
I felt my eyebrow knit as I read the most recent text
CAM🦂: it's over
