Without You

Chapter One

Okay so this is a book I published quite a while ago but I have now picked it up again and decided to rewrite it! It does contain some disturbing scenes so sensitive viewers are warned. 

I will publish the first chapter but I have no idea when I will publish again soo check out my other story Sincerely, me because I update that one more often!

Happy reading:)

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People walk in front of me, but as usual I don't notice them. My mind is broken, gone. They call me the miracle here, not because I exactly feel like one. But what can you do, word gets around fast on psych wards. 

A nurse walk up to me and tries to meet my gaze, but I turn my head to the side.

"You have a visitor Apollonia," she tells me with a cheery smile. 

"Tell them to leave." After my mothers last visit I've decided not to talk to her anymore. I simply have nothing more to say to her. 

"It's not your mother sweetie, and I'm afraid they insist." God, it feels like I'm some kind of CEO and there's a customer who just has to speak to me. 

I stand up from the uncomfortable chair I was sitting in, and follow the nurse to the visiting area. When the nurses open the doors for me I'm met by two teenagers, probably in my age, and no one else.

I hear the door close behind me and find myself entirely alone with these two strangers.

The boy is sitting on one of the plastic chairs while the girl is pacing in front of him, a worried expression on her face as she bits her nails furiously.

Neither of them notice me until the boy suddenly looks up and grabs the girls arm harshly, making her stop her nervous pacing and look up at me too.

"Oh God..." The air around us is tense as both of them stare wide-eyed at me.

"Atti... do you also see her?" I am confused when he nods his head, his lips sealed in a thin line. It's clear he is trying to control the panic that is very evident in his his eyes. 

I sigh loudly, taking a plastic ball from my pocket so my hands wont fidget on the bandage again. 

It's a bitch getting them redone. 

The girl tries to formulate some kind of words, but fails miserably. 

"Turn the cameras off Olive," the guy demands, the panic in his eyes now long gone. 

The girls eyes turn white, and a second later the lights are turned off. Before I have time to react, I fall helplessly to the ground.

Or at least I think I do.

Standing still on the same place, I look around in the now dim room.  Why do I feel so weird? My limbs feel lighter and my hair that is in knots seems to be floating around me. Big arms circle around my waist and I am face to face with they guy as the both of us float in the dark room as if we were in the ocean. His eyes are glowing white, scaring me all down to my very core, and his skin glows blue and gives the room some lightning. To my surprise I see both the boy and the girl standing where I last saw them, but they're still and their eyes are staring into the nothingness. 

Suddenly, the boy pushes his hand through my chest and a scream escapes my lips. The sound is deafening as the whole room seems to vibrate. The boy disappears from my blurred vision and my senses are attacked with a sensation of being ripped apart and being put back together. My scream echoes through my head as my whole body shakes. 

With a scream I sit straight up, my pulse high and my hands wet from sweat. Nurses are standing around me while a doctor is holding a defibrillator to my right and it looks like it's charged and ready. 

"Wha-what is this!" I try to push everyone away but they manage to restrain me, trying to calm me down. Their expressions are varied. Some worried while others seems to be a minute from shitting themselves. The doctors face remains neutral as he tells the nurses to give me some space, and then the therapy begins.

You see, I am mentally unstable, or that's what everyone else says. My mom is actually at that point where she is considering witch craft in order to heal me.

I think all that's a bunch of bullshit. 

I don't believe in medication or fucking therapy. I believe there are people who are destined to live a long and happy life, while others are destined to die. It's as simple as that but no one but me seems to get it. I tried to ask another patient here, but the nurses caught me and sent me back to a therapy session with my therapist for the day. She can suck balls for all I care.

Yeah, being locked away from civilization has made me a little bit angrier, but what else do you expect when you lock an unstable, depressed teen into a small department of an hospital where all she can do is play with her phone, watch TV or walk around the small facility until her feet hurt. 

The doctor clears his throat, gaining my attention as we sit alone in the small room with the curtains closed. The small room contains only of two dark green armchairs and a couch in the same color. The doctor, who I read on his name tag is named Dr. Robert, is sitting comfortably on one of the chair while I've got the whole couch for myself. My feet are cold as the panic from before slowly settles. 

He clears his throat, again, and opens his notepad. I can only imagine what kind of things are written there about me. I've done some crazy shit, both here and in the outside world. 

"What happened in the visitors room? The nurse told me she left you there for only a minute until the lights went out and she heard screaming from there." My eyes linger on the small window and a longing blooms inside my chest for the chance to be free again. 

Dr. Robert sighs. 

"Apollonia, we want to help you, but pulling stunts like this won't get you anywhere. I mean, telling your friends to come over so you can mess with us? There are people here willing to take our help, and to be honest, I am losing hope in that you'll ever accept help here." My heart drops to my ass as I lock my eyes with his. 

Is this the part where he is going to let me go? Can I finally leave this hellhole?

Dr. Roberts closes his notepad and takes his small glasses off only to rub his eyes tiredly.

"I have decided with my colleagues that the best path for you is to leave and live with your grandma. We have already discussed this with your parents and they think it's a good idea, but of course we won't make any decisions without your permission. But do remember we won't let you back to your old house, our main goal still remains to make a decision that will help you on your journey of feeling better." When he's done talking I feel like throwing up. Move in with my grandma in Washington? That would mean a whole new chapter in my life, new home, new school and worst of all; new friends. Can I actually do that? I mean, am I mentally strong enough or am I still that weak pushover I've always been?

Despite all my doubt, there really isn't any question in what I'm going to do.

Staring into his tired eyes, I believe him when he says he's only got my best interest in mind, but I couldn't give two monkey ass about what he says. I need to get the hell out of here and try at least. I owe myself at least that much considering all the pain I've let it gone through these past years. 

"I'm down."