Rub His Back | A JJK Sickfic

chapter five: don't leave him, not for a second (part 1)

summary: 

Sejin-nim has to do this alone.

Jungkook is having a hard time.

Jin just wants to get back to his baby.  

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Jungkook's had this dream before. It happens once every blue moon, but it always feels like the first time.

It's a nightmare, really, but it doesn't leave him screaming when he wakes up; it just chokes him. The dreadful sense of abandonment doesn't go away once he's awake either, because the problem in the first place is that he's by himself in his room in the dark and he doesn't want to be, and who will hear him if his throat is so closed up that he can't even make a sound? And is the apartment really empty? Did they really leave him here? He has to get up to check every time.

Each time it happens, he struggles to breathe, wide eyed and clutching his chest, with his heart pounding in his ears. His lungs don't stop burning until he's stumbling out of his room and slipping into Jin's. And yes, Jin always ends up being there, but the relief doesn't set in until Jin lifts the covers so Jungkook can fill the space between them. Jin usually asks if he's okay, and Jungkook won't admit to anything. He'll just squeeze Jin close and Jin wouldn't pry and they'd both go back to sleep.

He's told Taehyung, but no one else. Taehyung because the elder once told him--alone together in the quiet of the van one night--that he had moments when he'd wake up crying to himself, wishing to be the small young boy his grandmother could still hold in his arms. Jungkook could relate to that, wanting to be younger than he is right now, wanting to be held and comforted without feeling weird about it. Not needing an excuse for a sudden need for touch or attention or care.

It makes him even more grateful that he doesn't have to ask for it most of the time. The affection he receives from his hyungs is a constant. They've been orbiting around him like a force of protection since they started training together.

They've never left him.

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He remembers waking up in the hospital bed with Hoseok laying next to him, inches from his face and tracing a fingertip along his forehead. He remembers Hobi's admiring eyes and his relaxed smile. He could smell the coffee on his breath. "Everything's gonna be just fine, ahgi," he tells him. "We get to stay and take care of you."

He remembers that. He remembered feeling the flush of warm relief from the comfort of his words. He remembers Jimin's face pressed into his back, his arms wrapped loosely across his chest. He remembers meeting eyes with Jin across the room, legs crossed and holding a magazine, whispering sweetly for him to go back to sleep.

That really happened. It did. So he must have fallen back to sleep. He must be dreaming right now. He has to be, as he stands in his dark and empty room back in Korea.

In the dream, he never gets to a point where he leaves his room. He just stands there, rooted to the ground and assuming the worst, judging from the silence of the apartment and the heavy feeling he can't shake of being left behind.

But this time, he moves to his door, turns the knob, and peaks through. He wishes he hadn't. The apartment is empty, but Jungkook's belongings are still inside.

It looks like the place has been moved out of. It looks like his hyungs have abandoned him.