This update is written by heeba
Completely
Sitting with a pair of handcuffs tied upon your wrist.....surprisingly does make you travel down the memory lane and figure what all you have done.... To be in the place you currently are..... Its the period of remorse....and if lucky enough.... Atonement..........its as if your subconscious reads out a list of all what those moments... Which you now regret.... All those times you wished you would have acted different......
So.... In my case.... Flashes of all those moments.... I could have summed up enough courage.... To tell her the truth.... Keep haunting me..... Again and again....
That's the only sin i have made..... Perhaps..... I would be accused for many more after i have gone and while i am still on my way.... .... But...... No matter how hard i try to feel remorse..... I don't.... Yes i declare that shamelessly.... Yes i had been a liar.... But only that.... For in my darkest moments had it never occured to me.... That it was a sin to love... And make love to her..... I can't make my self feel guilty for those times........ Though i do feel guilty for her...... But maybe one day she will understand..... That few eternities are smaller than others....... And whatever little time i had with her........ How is it fair to feel remorse over it.... Wouldn't it be an insult to her love.... Her pure and selfless love..... That could pour life in a person with dead soul.... Waiting for his eternity to end.......
Past....
Those moments when life unexpectedly knocks your door....... And glitter doesn't seem to leave your eyes...... Snap across you.... Unexpectedly......inconveniently ....
Those moments they were drawn closer to each other.......
Each time she knocked his door..... A gleeful smile would spread on his lips.....
All the trial and the fiasco had ended with a small victory..... And the times were in their favour ..... They decided to savour those times..... Atleast he did
..... He wanted her to loosen off all the baggages...... All sorrows....... And smile for a few moments......
Perhaps that was the sincere reason..... He indulged in those small talks with her..... Making her smile.... In a way she never did.... In the academy premises.... Or for that matter for a very long time......
Although vigilant eyes.... Mocking them ........ Were everywhere..... But..... Happiness can be found in darkest moments.... If only one remembers to turn on the lights isn't it.......
But what surpassed both their eyes was a reason for immense happiness they both felt in each other's company....... What could be the reason for that..
That night.... As she came dressed up in a modest but pretty blue chiken kurta.....
Her hair let loose...... And the dimly lit candles...... Her face incandescent...... Pure...
He didn't know... What is it that made his heart thump a little louder than usual.... As she walked towards him...
"sir... Ye sab..... Aap ne to kaha tha ke interview he.... Interview aur is tarha"
Why his eyes couldn't meet hers.... As if they were slightly guilty and mostly suggestive.... Of his intentions.....
He chose to look down..... Slightly discomfited.... But next moment his doubts cleared.... Like the dimly lit candle..... Was guiding him.... To..... A path his heart knew...... Perhaps..... Hers too....
He nudged towards her shoulder... Making her sit comfortably.... And for one time sake remove those horizontal creases of doubt and worry from her face..... As she needs not to worry about anything.....
He just wanted to know her better....
"cadet naina singh ko mai janta hun.... Par me janna chahta hun... Us naina ko..... Jo chuttiyon me apne bhaiyya ke chittiyon ka besabri se intezar karti thi... Wo naina.... Jo shayad apni saheliyon me kaafi popular bhi thi..... Wo naina.... Jiski saheliya.... Shayad ye chahti thi.... Ke kisi tarha... Uske through wo uske army wale bhaiyya ke kareeb aa jaye.....wo naina.... "and as he was about to suggest to her further about a girl... That she left behind..... Before entering these fenced walls....... She got the cue.....
That time when she came to sit beside him.... Her gesture.... Knowingly intimate.... As she held his sleeve... Demanding his complete attention..... As her lips..... Went on narrating..... Funny incidents.... Of her and naveen....he did feel a slight guilt for letting his mind travel astray.... Wondering about those delicately curled lips...... Pouting and frowning so often.... That it made him wonder... What it could be like... To feel them against his own......
Her gleaming eyes...... With so much gleeful memories...... Her slightly reddened nose tip... Maybe.. Its peculiar to her....... As her moods constantly switch to anger... So often... That the pinkish hue got permanently imparted to it....
As her fingers brushed against his.... Her innocent self completely unaware that of the havoc being created.......
"funny na..." his trance broke.... As he was supposed to reply.... But as she looked at him.... Some intensity in his dark eyes...... His gaze felt warmer than the flame of the candle.....and her insides.. As she found them... Melting..... At an achingly slow pace....
There was also a sudden urge... To feel his lips..... And she had no idea... Where does that thought come from......
And the shiver running down in both their bodies....... Made them to decide.... Maybe it would be nicer.. If they stay a little closer......
He tried to get rid of the urge..... He did....trust me..... And just to break that particular moment.... He asked...
"aur phir..." both with reluctant tone...and an urgent pace.....
But she was oblivious...... As she leaned to rest her head upon his shoulder...... As she needed some comfort and support... While narrating... All the bitter parts of her journey... Which he barely listened to so far......
He didn't know when his fingers wrapped on her waist...... As she leaned to him for comfort .......
He should have distanced her...... But rather found himself snuggling her closer.. As she cried narrating to him.. How her life had changed...... After naveen died.... Wanting so much to alleviate her pain......
"aap. Jante he sir.... Bhaiyya ke jane ke bad.... Ghar me ek ajeeb si chuppi cha gai thi...... Dinner table pe koi shor nahi.... Maa baba.... To mano baatein karna bhool gaye the......koi kahani nahi..... Koi daant nahi...... Bas shant mahol..... Academy me in sab rumours aur shor ke chalte mujhe itni takleef nahi hui..... Jitna us ghar me bhaiyya ke jane ke baad hoti thi..... "
She sobbed in his arms....and he soaked all her tears..... Wanting her to vent out.... Reassuring her.... Mumbling.... That its all going to be alright.....
They don't know for how long were they in that state.....under hue of soothing flame... Of gently burning candles...... But it felt like a safe haven..... A home to her.... And he was more than happy to be trusted by her....... For her trust.... At that moment was the most valuable thing he could ever wish for......
