expect you dont know who i am, and cant judge me based of the things i write
the idea of that is exciting in a way.
i could tell you anything, but you have no idea who i am.
anyways lets begin
its February 12th, 2019. today wouldve been 3 months with a past lover of mine, but that was cut short. yesterday someone i have feelings for told me they had a s/o already and it was upsetting by she was sweet about it. i managed to eat some food today, though it made me feel pretty sick.
its 14:40, i got home about 30 mintues ago. in the last hour of school, i wrote 2 pages full on how much i wanna leave here so im gonna share that with you.
so to start from the beginning. im only 14. all my life ive felt free up until my teenage years. now i feel trapped in this small ass town. i feel like im suffocating, or drowing in a way. im always cooped up in this small house trying to make the best of it though its never quite successful.
i plan to save money up until im 17, then drop out. i can save up just enough to get to the place i wanna go, then start fresh there.
its not a great idea, but its good enough for me. maybe ill go to paris or london, it doesnt matter. wherever i go, ill have fun.
maybe ill go alone, maybe i wont. it doesnt matter.
i wanna start up my art again as i begin this journey. i want to start painting and drawing my experiences and the people that come and go in my life. so i can look back on it 5 years later, and smile at the memory. or cry. or scream.
it doesnt matter! itll be a memory. no matter my reaction. its a memory.
anyways.
valentines is in 2 days, and ive got no one. thats fine, i guess. itd be nice to share it with someone but there's many other things to seek for love in.
wax seals, candles, self written love letters, candy. anything to share love with the day.
the world is honestly quite beautiful if you think about it. its so so beautiful.
the rain, the snow, old abandoned buildings, forests covered in moss.
but people are ruining it.
the air is so polluted in places you cant even see the goddamn stars.
stars. they're so fucking bright and beautiful and our air is so dirty we cant even see them.
our oceans. theyre filled with nothing but plastic and trash. its killing animals.
animals are being abused and captured for shit places like sea world.
im losing hope in the beauty of the world. because we're all turning the earth into a simple shit stain.
anways. thats all i wanna write/type for today. i hope you've all still got some hope for the world as well.
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