i'm not meaning to be chiché

slipping

In 3rd grade, the doctor said that I had a little bit bigger BMI than normal. That normally isn't a problem, the the bitch he is, sent me home with a paper about how you can diet. Okay, in my opinion, unless you are like 200 pounds when your in 3rd grade, don't fuck with a little kids weight. My mom wasn't trying to be mean, but basically told everyone what happened. Even if I wasn't mortified enough, she told like E V E R Y O N E. Wtf? Who does that?
So, basically, I was just super insecure about my weight (which was normal) until 5th grade, when it started to progress to me planning not to eat.
I guess it's kind of like a drug, not eating.
Its extremely addicting, and the high is when you finally reach your goal.
You reach your goal once, by let's say, not eating breakfast and lunch.
Then, you set the bar higher. You don't eat anything for an entire day.
Higher. Nothing for days.
Higher. Nothing for a week.
Higher. 2 weeks.
Higher.
Higher.
Higher.
Nothing will ever compare. I feel like there is no explanation for how you feel like nothing, so numb to everything. If you don't already know, if you are not eating enough for extended periods of time, you start to get a brain fog. Real bad. You feel so numb, like a zombie, but in a good way. You just keep slipping into the hold you've dug for yourself. The worst part is, it's willingly.
Thank the fucking Lord that I didn't get as far as 2 weeks, but I assure you, I totally would if I wasn't  scared my parents would notice.
To be honest, I haven't even told my parents yet. My brother was extremely depressed for like 2 years, and my parents were just always so sad for him I wouldn't want to make them sad for me too.