WHY? [BNHA X MALE READER]

Chapter 1: WHY?

Have you ever felt like dying but not dying

Have you have smiled but not really smile

Have you ever said I'm fine 

When you Know you not

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I'm (l/n) (m/n)...I currently am leaving with my parents...and am a first year in junior high. I don't like going home because my parent argue a lot. And If my mom is really mad and I'm there she hit me to get her anger out...I don't say and thing because I'm use to feeling like a punching bag...

I mean my dad also drinks a lot and does drugs so he gets anger easily giving him a reason to always hit when I'm there and one time he was so mad he throw he almost cut out my heart making me have to go to the hospital and now I have a scar with an X over my heart. It's so bad that I have to cover the bruises and scars with bandages or long sleeved shirts but the bruises and scars aren't only from my parents...

*School bell rings*

I grab my stuff and start walking into the hallway until I was pushed against a locker and fell dropping my stuff. I squeeze my eyes shut and I heard them laughing... my bullies. I tried to grab my stuff but looks like the got to it first and then they throw it at me making all of my paper fall out before the started kicking and left. I then Grab my stuff and Ran straight home into my bedroom.

 I don't tell but my mom is barely home and I think she cheating on my dad but I'm not going to say anything because I shouldn't assume things 'so idiotic' is what my dad would tell me and If I told my dad about me getting bullied he'll get mad and call me weak before hitting me till I fell to ground. One of the reason my dad 'hits' me is because he wants to make my stronger but that's not working so well because I've haven't eaten in days.

I've been in my room...cutting my self with a knife I found in the kitchen...I started doing this since 5th grade I just can't stop it helps me remove the pain I feel it helps my feel my relax then I am, it cures me in a short of sad but releasing way...Do you understand?....Agh how am I taking to I have no friends I try to stay away from people as much as possible because I'm..scared that they might hurt me, I scared that the might turn on me any second...Why? because no one cares, no one needs me so I don't need them...It's simple as that....That's just how I live.....

(2 years later{last year of junior high})

My mom died in an accident a year ago...I honestly don't know how to feel when a person that doesn't care for you 'yourself' dies unexpectedly. Me and father went to her funeral...well my father only came at the end but even she was one of those people how would curse at me with hate I still love her making me filled with grief I hated this..this feeling of being left....alone..And at that moment I stop..Loving. 

After the funeral things went back to normal...I don't really talk so I like talking to myself like this, to keep me entertained. It why most people think I'm a mute...I mean It's worth it If I don't have to talk to people I haven't talked in a very long time making me kinda of socially awards towards people I guess.

(Next day)

I grab my stuff and start heading to school. After the funeral my dad started to abuses me more, verbally and psychically a lot of them because he think I'm the cause of my mother's death...forget it. I arrive at school and decide to skip class because I'm not really feeling it. I just can't with this anymore it's really stressing me out....I find a place in the part where people don't go much and seat in the corner and I release all of the pain and I let my body do whatever it what making me cry silently. But like always the people that bully are always there to interrupt...

"Hahaha What is he doing?!" Bully #2

"Aww It looks like he's cry " Bully #3 says mockingly I just ignore them

"Ha how pathetic!" Bully #1 laughed

"It's really is" I mumble

"UH? did he say something" Bully #1 said surprised

"Haha we thought you were a fucking mute" Bully #3 said

"Ha Who cares he's still dead for talking back" Bully #2 said

Then he picked me up by my collar and picked me to the wall. I didn't say anything I just looked down.

"You know your Useless right so don't even trying speaking back to us" Bully #1 said

"You useless, worthless, weak, stupid, hopeless, fragile, little cunt" Bully #1 spat in my face

I can't do this anymore...I can't do this anymore......I can't do this anymore!!!

I grip on to his wrist and twist it making him let go of me but before he could react I punch him in the face before pushing him into Bully #2 making both of them fall. Then Bully#3 punch me in the nose and it started to bleed so I punch him the stomach before punching and pushing him on top of the others. What I didn't know was that we were loud and we were then all called into the principals office. We went in one by one.

"This isn't like you Mr. (l/n)" the principal said to me as I kept quiet looking

"Aren't you going to tell what happen? If you don't I'll have to call your Father"

I wanted to say something but I couldn't

"Fine. since you don't want to talk" The principal said

(Timeskip After the conversation with the principal)

After the principal called my father he came and talked to the principal which took a very long time till school ended. And as soon I we went home my father push me to the floor.

"Tch. you got into a fight uh your in big trouble are you?" he said sending shiver down my spine

He then kick me in the stomach moving me into living room. He then repeatedly kick me before he grab me by my collar

"Your so Useless and Weak you can't nothing own your own" My father spit at me

I hate of every calling me that, I'm tried of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of him, Why? does he hate me so much, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

I Push my father making him loosen his grip letting me as fast as I can, run it to my room and lock the door

"Hey you little brat!" I here my dad chase me up to my room and now try to open my door which is locked

I grab a bag and start grabbing everything I need and Jump of of my room window springing my angle but at the moment my mid was blank and something just told me to run so I ran and ran in to the woods where he could never find me until my legs gave up which the eventually did. Making me collapse gasping for air. 

Thank god I brought someone water that was in my room. I open the water bottle and finish it, I now feel more revealed but what am I going to do hide here for the rest of my life....? I mean no one would care.. I mean why should they...I'm not important....That's a fact...because I'm Useless and Weak...I can't do anything can I?.....

I started to drift off into the world of dreams and nightmares as the darkness of the night covered the forest and the city and animals come out to see the starts that shine bright like diamonds that you wish you could touch and grab. This is the first time I ever slept well in years it feels...nice. But why do I feel so disappointed...Hehe I know why...this not  disappointment I'm feeling it's self-pity. And Why am I here?....Because I wanted this...I'm so selfish ain't I....Well I'll be here for a while...

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I hope you like this chapter!!!

I honesty 100% really enjoyed Thx! Bye,Bye~ (～o▔▽▔)～o