The Boy In The Journal

Dear, Journal 

        I can't really talk to anyone about how I feel about this boy, I mean a little to my friend Emry, but I just it's weird. He walks the hall so oblivious of my exsistence, my friends say he looks at me, but I won't believe it until I see it. To me he totally ignores me, we had picture today and he was so adorable dressed up and all so handsome, yet he never noticed me. I will never have the courage to talk to him first or ever, cause I don't want to freak him out or make him uncomfortable. In pe we played frisbe and no one must of trusted him to catch it because everyone jumped in front of him when it was aimed right at him, unless it was the other team, then they just wacked it out of his hands almost slapping him in the process. 

        "Awe he is such a cute clumsy," Emry said to me.

        Not even thinking I was like "who?"

I protested in his case until he spun the frisbee off his finger and almost caught it, but tripped and dropped it in the process, then I had to agree with Emry.

        The rest of the day was like Usual just me looking at him in glances trying to figure him out, and him ignoring my presence. It would be so much easier if there was just a machine or little thing you could read someone's mind with. So you could know what they are thinking bout, in his case maybe I wouldn't want to know since I probably couldn't understand how smart he is. He is ahead one math class and I think if not him I still owe it to myself to find a good guy that has all my fav qualities, smart, funny, a tad bit shy, brown hair, country, etc. I don't know much about him, but I feel so much for him, I like him a lot I have since track last year when we first talked for the first time and we talked about our throwing averages and just stuff we actually had in common.

        He is the nicest guy I have ever met for how much I know about him, but I know for sure he exceeds my standards by far. 

        See this is a different story when I was dating this guy who my friend is dating now I always felt like shit about myself and like I was never good enough. When really I am better than him, and I am not being ignorant, I am just a better person.. instead of tearing people down I build them up. I patch up the people that he brakes, I was still in the process of patching up myself over the summer, but I dated him because I looked at myself like, why would the guy I had a crush on would ever like me, he was smart and cute and funny and awkward a beautiful blend of awsome, he should be smart enough to stay away even when I wanted him. And now everytime I look at him I just think, I know you will never want me no matter how much I want you too. I like you a lot you smart boy, stay away be happy be yourself and never change, I will just watch and wait for the goodbye.

                                                        Love,

                                                      BB Secrets