confusion || jeon jungkook

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"you know damn well that ghosts don't exist! it was probably your subconscious telling you that you made a mistake when jiyeon was around!" my mama shouted at me from across the room, pieces of broken glass were everywhere. i was scared. scared to the point that i would probably have to run away from home.

"if you wouldn't have been so mean to her when you were younger, maybe you could've had a chance to be loved today!" her screaming was becoming obnoxious.

i was frozen. i couldn't move. what she said was true.

~~~

"you look like a fat pig in my dress you slut! give it back it's mine!" i shouted at her.

ever since dad never came back home, the house was chaos. i hated my mom and my sister. i wanted to kill them. i had a journal where i would brainstorm different ways to do so. no one knew and no one will never know.

"mama said i could wear it to prom," she was seated in the corner, her legs brought up to her chest, bawling her eyes out.

"well Karen is a filthy whore and you know that! why would you listen to a hoe like her!" i punched her in the face. she already had multiple bruises but another wouldn't hurt.

"stop it! stop it! i said i was sorry! please have mercy!" i laughed hysterically at her miserable begging.

"it's your fault our father left! it's all your fault! he never loved you anyways, no one loves you and no one ever will!" i slapped her.

she stood up and ripped the beautiful hand made dress papa had made me. he was a famous designer, and he handmade this one for the "most special day of my life". i was saving it for my honey moon but jiyeon had different intentions.

"you'll eat your words one day!" she ran out of my room and into the forest in our backyard.

~~~

i was crying. i was crying so much to the point that i fell to the ground.

"you know very well what you did honey, i know that it was a terrible phase in your life but you deserve this karma. what goes around comes around," and with those final words she went upstairs.

it had been a month since i had last seen jungkook, he wasn't at work and he hadn't texted me since that day at his appartement.

my mom had figured out that i was hanging around him and she made me quit my job at the café.

she said she didn't want to have him involved with our family since he brought bad memories to mama. she was already going through so much because of me and i couldn't burden her any longer.

still a crying mess, i went to my room and looked around for the horrible journal.

i didn't like this karma. maybe if i burned the book. i could show jiyeon that i was sorry and that i loved her.

i found it behind my bed. it wasn't really well hidden. my mother could've found it.

"what are you doing y/n?" i turned around and hid the journal behind my back.

"nothing mama, i'm just cleaning my room to get my mind off of things," i mumbled nervously.

i started to shake and i lost grip of the damn book. it was heavy, so when it fell to the floor it made a large noise.

"isn't that the lovely journal i bought you when you were little? it was your birthday present, we didn't have much money and it was really expensive, but since you loved it so much i got it for you. those were rough times," she smiled ever so slightly.

right when my tears had dried i started to sob again. the beautiful pastel purple journal was filled with things only satan could see in hell.

i ran towards her and hugged her like never before.

a mother's hug can make you feel better they said. but i didn't feel any good when i let go.

"i'm glad you're cleaning your room. if you need me i'll be in the kitchen preparing dinner," she kissed my cheek and left.

i suddenly had an idea. a really bad idea. but it was for the best.

i'm sorry mama.

but this is my only choice.

//

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