Save My Heart

Tears Away

I woke up with tears in my eyes. Why can't I stop feeling sad. I'm getting tired of the way I am living. I just want everything to end. But then I heard my sister running upstairs. Before she could knock on the door I wiped my away and smiled at her when I opened the door.

"Ate I was just about to wake you up," she smiled at me sheepishly.

"Oh please you just want to startle me."

"Nooo! I wouldn't do that to my pretty sister." She put on her sweetest smile.

"Okay, what do you need?" I grinned at her.

"Hmm. Can you lend me your tablet? Mom confiscated my phone. Pleaaase? I'll return it before school I swear." she pouted.

I can't resist but laugh.

"Here you go."

She went running to her room avoiding mom seeing her with the tablet. These are just some of the things I'm clinging on.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my mom making breakfast

"So how was school yesterday?"

"It was great ma. I saw some of my friends and had some same professors from last semester." I tried to be convincing as possible.

"That's good, I'm glad you are enjoying" she had warmest smile. I know she is genuinely happy for me.

I turned away from her as a tear started forming on my lids. I can't keep lying on her and I don't know how long I can pretend that I'm doing fine.

Everyday it seems like a piece of me is fading. If this continues I'm afraid I'm gonna lose me.

"Ma I know it's way too early but can I skip class today? I'm not really feeling well."

"You know what you don't look too good. Just rest up for today but please be present tomorrow."

"Thank you ma!" I finished up my food and went back upstairs.

I laid back on my bed and took a deep breath. I wish I can just sleep here forever. I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep.

"Ate! Ate Bella wake up!" Emma looked worried when I looker at her.

"Ate you why are you crying?" She asked, I was confused.

I touched my face and true enough it was filled with tears. It made me even sad even in my sleep where I thought I could be calm my depression still haunts me. I just smiled at her and told her I had a bad dream.

"What was it about?" she then asked.

"I dreamt of mimi," Mimi was our house pet who died recently.

"I guess I'd be crying also if I dreamt of Mimi ate. I miss her." She said with a weak smile.

"I miss her too." I hugger her.

I check on my phone and went to check my schedule. I have meet with my therapist Dr. Gomez later this afternoon. I have been paying for my theraphy and medicines since then. I can't seem to bring this up with my parents. I'm afraid people and even some in my family would judge. They'd tell me that this is all an act. This is my biggest fear. I just shrugged the idea off.

I stayed on my bed for a couple more hours before deciding on getting ready.